I know this post was supposed to write about Santa, Jesus, and teaching truth to our kids. But an unexpected topic caught me off guard this week, and since were about to have another boy I thought it would be fitting to talk about raising boys.
Some people think that you can and should treat boys and girls the same as they grow up. I have found that it is difficult to treat even two boys or two girls the same. Every child has a unique personality, unique gifts, and unique weaknesses. But as I interact with my children, even at a very young age, I always have their future in mind.
In many ways, I am very disappointed with the current state of American society. I was watching a conservative media program the other day and the hosts kept stating that we just need more marriage in America. Really? More marriage? Actually, from what I've observed we have plenty of marriages and then divorces and then more marriages and subsequent divorces! American marriages seem to be flippant, based upon emotion, and easily discarded. But is it because people aren't giving marriage a go? No. I'd argue that it is because people get married to get something for themselves instead of giving themselves to their spouse and to their family unit. Selfishness rots relationships.
I also get pretty irked when I hear people who have wonderful marriages lecture others who are suffering in their marriages. I've heard that you just need to trust God more, love God more, surrender more, etc. etc. etc. and God will save your marriage. Usually this comes from people who are in a loving healthy relationship. Having been in a terrible horrible unloving first marriage where my husband cheated on me from the moment we said "I do" I probably have a little bit more empathy for people enduring depressing and even abusive marriages. And to be honest, after my divorce, I really had no idea what all this good marriage rhetoric was about. Why do I bring up marriage when what I'm supposed to be writing about is raising boys? Well because, there are stark differences between the men I married. My first husband, though he made himself a pastor during our marriage, lived life for himself and was a perpetrator. My forever husband is a warrior for Christ and my protector.
Another dichotomy of men that has caught my attention occurs in human trafficking. Generally it is men that enslave women and children and also perpetrate crimes against them. However, there is a group of men, many of them former special ops in the military, that go in and rescue children who have been brutally stolen and raped. We see the difference again between the perpetrator and the protector. What is it about some men that feed their selfish evil desires at the expense of others? And what is it that drives other men to put their lives on the line not only to protect their own families, but to leave the safety of their homes and sometimes their country to rescue women and children who have no other hope? You see, I think about this as I raise my boys. I don't want to just grow my boys up into men, I want them to develop into warriors - warriors for Christ who will follow Him no matter where He leads.
Given my personal experiences in marriage and the huge differentiation between perpetrators and protectors in the male gender, I have purposed in my heart and life to raise not boys, not men, but warriors. I want each and every one of my boys to have a warrior's heart. So what is a warrior?
Well, if you ask Ben, he's already a warrior. At 3, he thinks he rules the world. Saturday mornings they are allowed to watch cartoons. So, EVERY morning, he comes in bright and early, wakes me up, and asks if he can watch cartoons. I usually respond, "It isn't Saturday." He leaves, then comes back and says, "I decided today is Saturday." It was funny the first time, maybe even the second time it happened, but now it is really old! Tonight he decided it was his birthday - even though it wasn't, and then demanded a party immediately. Benjamin fears very little. He oozes self confidence and if you ask him, he'll declare he is a warrior! But this isn't really the kind of warrior I want to raise. Though I will say, he's got the personality of a leader and he isn't short on conviction.
Isaac is a boy who was awarded the "Justice Award" in kindergarten for his ability to discern between right and wrong. I think secretly this meant he was a tattle tale, but it is true, that boy is very concerned with truth and obedience...most of the time. When we hit double digits, things got a little foggy, but I'm confident that it will all straighten out.
Gabe on the other hand is absolutely hilarious. He's awesome at organizing games at McDonalds' play places and seems oblivious to insults from his peers. He's kind to others (most of the time) and seems to feel a deep responsibility to protect his sisters - unless he's the one getting on them! :)
And Joshua, who is to be born in just a few weeks, is our final warrior. We've actually been waiting for this baby for about 4 years. Somehow we knew he was coming, we just didn't know when. In the womb, he always makes his presence known. You cannot touch my belly without him giving you a kick. I'm not sure how God has formed his personality yet, but I know he has a great purpose in life.
Given all these different boys and their personalities, how do I train them to be warriors? I'm not really sure. Each day I try something new. Sometimes my teachings seem to take hold, sometimes they fall flat. But these are the goals I have for my boys.
1) Lead - but know how to take orders. One thing I have learned from my husband and his stories is that he had a lot of responsibility as an artillery officer in the Army. He had to lead many men and give orders. But he also had to take a few - even if he disagreed, because you do what your told. Derik is a natural born leader. He knows how to motivate different personalities and how to get the best out of his men. On the other hand, I hear him complain (even today) that some of the things that come down the chain of command are ... well ... not what he would do! Isn't that how it is in our spiritual life too? Men are to be the leaders in their homes, not just physical leaders, but spiritual leaders. And in order to lead you've got to be out front. You can't lead from behind! Knowing God, loving God, having a relationship with God, and studying the word is absolutely imperative if you want to be the spiritual leader in your home. You also need to know how to take orders from God, even if you don't like it! Our boys need to have a real relationship with God from a young age so that they can be strong spiritual leaders in their homes. They also need to obey their parents, because one day, we're going to be out of the equation and they're going to have to obey God directly. Obedience doesn't come naturally, it has to be practiced.
2) Be Strong! - Army Strong..okay I added that part. But truthfully I'm a little put off by wimpy men. I love the fact that my husband is strong physically and that he takes good care of us. I know that he's a force to be reckoned with and that makes me feel safe. However, some people mistake anger for strength. Anger is actually weakness disguised as strength. An angry man is often out of control, reactive, and does more harm than good. A strong man not only has discipline over his body, but also his emotions. He can hold and protect a 4lb crying baby or he can knock out an intruder in our home. He has no problem using his strength to fight evil, but when his children disobey he tempers his strength and disciplines them accordingly. Our children don't fear that their dad will hurt them, ever. They do fear disappointing him. So while he's a large strong man, our children don't fear his strength, rather they fear letting him down (except for Ben, who at 3, feels that parents are just in the way and an unnecessary obstacle on his life's path).
3) Be Convicted - Every now and then I learn something new about my husband. Granted, these moments are fewer and farther between, but I'm typically impressed when I discover a side to him that I didn't know existed. Recently, we were discussing what charities we were going to give to this next year. Child trafficking has always weighed heavy on my heart. When I shared this with him and had a few charities in mind, he let me know how important it was to him too. And beyond that he gave me information about Operation Underground Railroad, which is a group of men who have specialized military training to raid smuggling rings around the world, rescue children, and take out these horrible men who abuse and use innocent lives. In America, we often turn a blind eye to the horrors of the sex trade. Sometimes we think it only happens in third world countries, but the truth is it is going on in our own towns. Yes, it happens here too. Often it is kept out of sight, but I have had girls in my class who have been sold for sex under the age of 12, and that isn't even the worst of it. I had no idea how strongly my husband felt about rescuing women and children until this past week. And it isn't just a feeling, he's willing to do something about it. Warriors don't just sit idly by hoping that someone else will do something, they step up to the plate, and take action. Their beliefs don't just linger between their ears, they manifest into actions! The strongest feelings don't save these enslaved children, it is the courage and conviction that drives these brave warriors to go into very dangerous places, take out bad men, and save children. I want my boys to grow up to be convicted warriors and do what is right when others just stand by.
4) Be Devoted - and loving. As I look at men who are true warriors, I'm always struck by not only their devotion to God, but also to their wives and families. I'm not a woman who requires much romance - if any, but I love that Derik is kind to me. He encourages me and compliments me. He hugs me and rubs my shoulders. And the boys have all seen this and do the same! Ben loves to rub my shoulders "just like daddy." Not only does Derik emulate how the boys should act, we also tell them directly how they should treat one another and how they should treat women. When a man treats his wife with kindness, love, gentleness, and sincerity, he brings out the best in his wife. Since most men have no clue how to treat a woman, it is imperative that boys are taught devotion at a young age.
5) Be Humble - No, you are not God's gift to mankind. In fact, you were created to serve God. Know your limitations and understand that your gifts come only from God. Keep your mouth shut. Listen more than you talk. Talk to God more than you talk to men. When you do speak, always think first. That old saying "Better for people to think your stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" might be fitting for this section. But truthfully, warriors know that they are only mere men enabled by God to do His work.
There are so many other qualities that differentiate boys from men and men from warriors. I've got a few other ideas running through my head as I type. And even though it may not seem like a warrior trait, fun is never in short supply at our home. As serious as I am, Derik is funny. Humor abounds. I don't teach this trait to my boys because they inherited it, and not from me!
All in all, I hope, and pray, and work diligently to help my boys be godly warriors who will become excellent spouses and servants of Christ. I want boys who will help to create healthy happy marriages and families. I also want boys who will not only fight for their own families, but for those who can't fight for themselves. I know that I fail daily and that my parenting techniques aren't perfect, but with the help of the Holy Spirit I am confident that these boys will be the warriors God created them to be.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Teaching Children Discernment
"Hey Dad. We're winners!" exclaims Gabe (6 years old).
"You bet we are!" affirms the largest male in our home.
Now, if I don't speak up, we'll never know where this thought came from. And if I can't figure out why my children think the way they do, I'll never be able to teach them.
.
Reluctantly I ask, "Gabe, why are you winners?" while simultaneously giving Derik the evil eye to keep his smart mouth shut! :)
"Well, we eat Subway, so that makes us winners!"
Ahhh, and now the truth comes out. Advertising is affecting the way my children process information. Actually, I've known this for some time and have constantly told the children that most commercials lie to them. I applaud them when they can pick out the lies, and now they're pretty good at it. A brief discussion ensued regarding what really makes a person a winner and it has nothing to do with what we eat, but who we are in Christ. Did I really have a conversation like this with my 6 year old? You bet I did. Does he understand everything I say? Probably not, but it is better to start young than too late. And truth be told, our children understand much more than we give them credit for.
Side note on how much children really understand: Ben was playing with a toy on the floor. Annie (18 months) kept bugging him trying to take his toy. I told him to play with it up high at the table. He moved. She got a stool so she could reach his toy. He got frustrated so I told him to take it to his room and close his door so she couldn't get to him. Before he could even begin to climb down, she jumped off the stool ran down the highway to his room and sat on his bed. So, lest you think children can only understand as much as they can communicate, let this be a lesson that they can understand much much more.
So, back to the commercials. All of my kids are pretty good at picking out lies. "That toy isn't really the best or most fun." "Mama, did they just lie to me? Will I be the coolest kid if I have that?" "Is that cheeseburger really good for us? Isn't it junk food?" Etc, etc, etc. It may seem silly, but actually teaching your children to pick out the lies on commercials is really good practice in discernment. First of all there are PLENTY of lies to choose from. No one's feelings get hurt, and it provides a lot of good conversation about what is truth and why the commercials are lying to you. I actually have a power point of misleading commercials I used in my math classes to teach my students how to read graphs and data carefully. Because, even intelligent adults are frequently mislead when they don't think carefully and use discernment.
Moving on from commercials, we have to understand that even "harmless" cartoons require discernment. I wrote a while ago about a song on a cartoon that really bothered me. I'm sure you can find it in one of my earlier blogs (found it! March 2013) , but you'd be surprised how frequently our children are "brainwashed" into believing things that simply aren't true. For instance, recently Lalaloopsey referred to Christmas as "Joyful Holiday." One of the other girly cartoons called Christmas carols, "holiday carols," and even another cartoon referred to Christmas as "Falalala Day." So we had a conversation and discussion about why Christmas exists. Then I asked my children how they would feel if I decided that their birthdays were now my holidays and on each of their birthdays I was going to focus on myself and throw a party for myself. You see, renaming a Christian celebration may seem harmless, but truthfully there is a lot of danger and sin when we try to replace Christ and push Him to the side. It isn't enough to tell children that it is wrong to call Christmas a "winter holiday" but they need to "discover" for themselves why it is so wrong. Children don't base a lot of their decisions on truth and knowledge, but rather on feeling. Babies cry when they feel hungry, wet, and tired. As we grow older, our behavior and decisions should be based less on feeling and more on truth. However, as parents we need to understand that children's feelings still drive a majority of their decisions and should be highly considered when we teach them. So while I may tell my children that taking Christ out of Christmas is wrong, they need to feel that it is wrong if I want to make a lasting impression. Putting them in the position of "losing" their birthdays brings a whole new perspective and further embeds the lesson into their minds.
Beyond media, I also try to make a preemptive strike when it comes to big future decisions. Tonight at the dinner table Susie asked when she's older, if Daddy and I would be the Grandma and Grandpa, and also if she could bring her children to visit. We said absolutely! Derik volunteered to be the Grandpa - fitting as he'd never miss a moment to interject humor, even if the kids don't pick up on it. But we did use the conversation to talk about picking out our spouses. What do we look for in a husband or a wife? What is the most important factor? Yes, I know our oldest is only 10, but like I said before, I'd rather start these conversations early rather than late. This way in the teenage years, not one of my children will be surprised when we are STILL having conversations about suitable mates. We talked about how finding someone who loves Jesus is the most important. We made the distinction between just saying you love God and loving Jesus. We talked about how the world thinks that being pretty is the most important or that you have to find someone who makes you feel good right away when you're young. Derik and I talked about how old we were when we got married and that it is okay to wait until you find the right person. It is better to wait and feel a little bit lonely than to get married too quickly to the wrong person. Will they remember these conversations in the future? I'm sure they won't. In fact, tomorrow it will be the furthest thing from their minds. But it is important to teach your children to think and be discerning. It is important to have these conversations from a young age so that as they get older you already have established the connection with your children and they expect that you'll keep talking about all of these important issues.
However, being discerning isn't always popular. We frequently hear the phrase "Who are you to judge?" No one likes it when someone disagrees with them and then quotes the Bible to boot! Just recently, I saw a post on facebook proclaiming that all Christians were idiots because they couldn't think for themselves. The writer said Christians just believed what they read in the Bible and were blind followers. Actually, I think the person was ticked off because Christians believe in absolute truth. We believe in being accountable to a Higher Authority, God. We don't believe that truth sways with the wind, but rather stands firm and is written for eternity in the Word of God. Further more, we believe that our actions should always be measured against it. We have a set standard. It is actually impossible to be discerning if you don't have a standard. It would be impossible to know what is right or wrong if God Himself didn't lay it out for us. The world doesn't want discernment. They want to feel good all the time about everything. What may be right for one person, isn't right for another, and everyone gets to set his or her own standards. Unfortunately, what may feel good to one person can be extremely hurtful to another. Being discerning doesn't come naturally to humanity. Being selfish and running after things that make us feel good is common to children, but it should not be the way adults operate.
It is imperative that we teach our children to be discerning - that there is a right and wrong - that Truth is found in the Word of God. Children will not reach these conclusions on their own and they won't learn to be discerning without guidance. Teaching discernment to our children should start from a very young age, because if you wait until they are 15 to try to impart this wisdom, it may be too late. If you're not sure where to begin - commercials are a fun place to start for everyone! :)
"You bet we are!" affirms the largest male in our home.
Now, if I don't speak up, we'll never know where this thought came from. And if I can't figure out why my children think the way they do, I'll never be able to teach them.
.
Reluctantly I ask, "Gabe, why are you winners?" while simultaneously giving Derik the evil eye to keep his smart mouth shut! :)
"Well, we eat Subway, so that makes us winners!"
Ahhh, and now the truth comes out. Advertising is affecting the way my children process information. Actually, I've known this for some time and have constantly told the children that most commercials lie to them. I applaud them when they can pick out the lies, and now they're pretty good at it. A brief discussion ensued regarding what really makes a person a winner and it has nothing to do with what we eat, but who we are in Christ. Did I really have a conversation like this with my 6 year old? You bet I did. Does he understand everything I say? Probably not, but it is better to start young than too late. And truth be told, our children understand much more than we give them credit for.
Side note on how much children really understand: Ben was playing with a toy on the floor. Annie (18 months) kept bugging him trying to take his toy. I told him to play with it up high at the table. He moved. She got a stool so she could reach his toy. He got frustrated so I told him to take it to his room and close his door so she couldn't get to him. Before he could even begin to climb down, she jumped off the stool ran down the highway to his room and sat on his bed. So, lest you think children can only understand as much as they can communicate, let this be a lesson that they can understand much much more.
So, back to the commercials. All of my kids are pretty good at picking out lies. "That toy isn't really the best or most fun." "Mama, did they just lie to me? Will I be the coolest kid if I have that?" "Is that cheeseburger really good for us? Isn't it junk food?" Etc, etc, etc. It may seem silly, but actually teaching your children to pick out the lies on commercials is really good practice in discernment. First of all there are PLENTY of lies to choose from. No one's feelings get hurt, and it provides a lot of good conversation about what is truth and why the commercials are lying to you. I actually have a power point of misleading commercials I used in my math classes to teach my students how to read graphs and data carefully. Because, even intelligent adults are frequently mislead when they don't think carefully and use discernment.
Moving on from commercials, we have to understand that even "harmless" cartoons require discernment. I wrote a while ago about a song on a cartoon that really bothered me. I'm sure you can find it in one of my earlier blogs (found it! March 2013) , but you'd be surprised how frequently our children are "brainwashed" into believing things that simply aren't true. For instance, recently Lalaloopsey referred to Christmas as "Joyful Holiday." One of the other girly cartoons called Christmas carols, "holiday carols," and even another cartoon referred to Christmas as "Falalala Day." So we had a conversation and discussion about why Christmas exists. Then I asked my children how they would feel if I decided that their birthdays were now my holidays and on each of their birthdays I was going to focus on myself and throw a party for myself. You see, renaming a Christian celebration may seem harmless, but truthfully there is a lot of danger and sin when we try to replace Christ and push Him to the side. It isn't enough to tell children that it is wrong to call Christmas a "winter holiday" but they need to "discover" for themselves why it is so wrong. Children don't base a lot of their decisions on truth and knowledge, but rather on feeling. Babies cry when they feel hungry, wet, and tired. As we grow older, our behavior and decisions should be based less on feeling and more on truth. However, as parents we need to understand that children's feelings still drive a majority of their decisions and should be highly considered when we teach them. So while I may tell my children that taking Christ out of Christmas is wrong, they need to feel that it is wrong if I want to make a lasting impression. Putting them in the position of "losing" their birthdays brings a whole new perspective and further embeds the lesson into their minds.
Beyond media, I also try to make a preemptive strike when it comes to big future decisions. Tonight at the dinner table Susie asked when she's older, if Daddy and I would be the Grandma and Grandpa, and also if she could bring her children to visit. We said absolutely! Derik volunteered to be the Grandpa - fitting as he'd never miss a moment to interject humor, even if the kids don't pick up on it. But we did use the conversation to talk about picking out our spouses. What do we look for in a husband or a wife? What is the most important factor? Yes, I know our oldest is only 10, but like I said before, I'd rather start these conversations early rather than late. This way in the teenage years, not one of my children will be surprised when we are STILL having conversations about suitable mates. We talked about how finding someone who loves Jesus is the most important. We made the distinction between just saying you love God and loving Jesus. We talked about how the world thinks that being pretty is the most important or that you have to find someone who makes you feel good right away when you're young. Derik and I talked about how old we were when we got married and that it is okay to wait until you find the right person. It is better to wait and feel a little bit lonely than to get married too quickly to the wrong person. Will they remember these conversations in the future? I'm sure they won't. In fact, tomorrow it will be the furthest thing from their minds. But it is important to teach your children to think and be discerning. It is important to have these conversations from a young age so that as they get older you already have established the connection with your children and they expect that you'll keep talking about all of these important issues.
However, being discerning isn't always popular. We frequently hear the phrase "Who are you to judge?" No one likes it when someone disagrees with them and then quotes the Bible to boot! Just recently, I saw a post on facebook proclaiming that all Christians were idiots because they couldn't think for themselves. The writer said Christians just believed what they read in the Bible and were blind followers. Actually, I think the person was ticked off because Christians believe in absolute truth. We believe in being accountable to a Higher Authority, God. We don't believe that truth sways with the wind, but rather stands firm and is written for eternity in the Word of God. Further more, we believe that our actions should always be measured against it. We have a set standard. It is actually impossible to be discerning if you don't have a standard. It would be impossible to know what is right or wrong if God Himself didn't lay it out for us. The world doesn't want discernment. They want to feel good all the time about everything. What may be right for one person, isn't right for another, and everyone gets to set his or her own standards. Unfortunately, what may feel good to one person can be extremely hurtful to another. Being discerning doesn't come naturally to humanity. Being selfish and running after things that make us feel good is common to children, but it should not be the way adults operate.
It is imperative that we teach our children to be discerning - that there is a right and wrong - that Truth is found in the Word of God. Children will not reach these conclusions on their own and they won't learn to be discerning without guidance. Teaching discernment to our children should start from a very young age, because if you wait until they are 15 to try to impart this wisdom, it may be too late. If you're not sure where to begin - commercials are a fun place to start for everyone! :)
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Teaching Your Children
I'm not the perfect mother. In fact I'm far from perfect. But since we're about to have number 6 in 7 weeks, I've devoted a lot of thought, prayer, and time to not only raising my children but thinking about what is most important to instill in their lives.
A few things I've written about in the past are:
1) Teaching children to have a relationship with the Lord.
2) Being aware that the devil is out to steal our kids.
3) The pain of rejection and how it wounds children.
4) Raising passionate children.
5) Teaching children that life is eternal and extends way beyond earthly death.
There could be more, but since I write for a ministry I sometimes forget what I write about for them and what I've written about on here. Oddly, I still despise writing. But somethings are worth writing about even if I find the process tedious.
I've rambled enough, so here is the post for today:
I come from a LONG line of teachers on my mother's side. My grandparents were teachers. Nearly all my aunts and uncles are teachers. Most of my cousins are teachers. It is so ridiculous that one might wonder if there is a "teaching" gene. Very few have married into the family who aren't teachers so maybe there is some prerequisite I don't know about. To say that education is important to my family may be a bit of an understatement. I think a lot of people assume that teaching is something left up to the schools, but I would whole-heartedly disagree. Teaching should start at home, and I'm not referring to homeschooling and academics, I'm referring to life.
Even if we don't realize it, we teach our children daily. Sometimes we teach by example, sometimes we teach through direct instruction, and sometimes we teach through exploration. But what we need to understand is that we are always teaching and our children are continuously learning from us. Sadly, many parents aren't conscious of what they are implanting into their children.
How we interact with our children has a huge impact on how they view the world from a very young age. When children are ignored and pushed to the side regularly, they are taught that they aren't valuable. When children are exposed to violence and vulgar language they learn that those are acceptable ways to express themselves. When children are given rules and responsibilities, they learn that life has boundaries and there are expectations for their behavior. When children are loved and cared for, they learn that their life and feelings are valuable. When children are coddled and spoiled, they learn that their needs come first and expect to be served. Yes - our children are always learning from us even when we aren't intentionally teaching them.
However sometimes we do set out to intentionally teach our children specific lessons and our actions and conversations are very purposeful. This is called direct instruction. So what kinds of things should we be teaching our children? There is so much I could write about. Just ask my kiddos! I pretty much talk their ears off all day long. But nearly 100% of the time all lessons revolve around spiritual concepts. Why? Well, because children always ask why! And I can find very little reason for anything absent of God's word, will, and character.
Why do we have to behave? Because we are not our own, we were bought with a price, and God has a purpose and plan for our lives. We need to obey our parents because in doing so we are learning to obey God who is the Highest Authority.
Why can't we watch TV all day long? (I have A LOT of reasons for this!) Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and we shouldn't feed it junk and things that displease the Lord. Some TV is good, but there is a lot that is dangerous and misleading. We are also meant to work and not be lazy. God has given us responsibilities to fulfill that we cannot do when glued to the TV. Don't get me started, I have way too much to say on this topic.
Why do puppies get hurt? Why are our lives filled with disappointment and pain? Why do people we love get sick? Why do bad things happen to good people? Because we are sinners. We live in a world full of sinners and the devil's goal is to hurt as many people as possible. (You may ask, do you really say that to your kids? Yes I do.) However, God is good. He doesn't promise us a life free of hurt, but He is good to us and protects us from a multitude of bad things. He heals our bodies most of the time. He causes our heart to beat steadily all day and all night. He gives us food to eat and warm water to bathe in. We cannot escape the evil of the world, but when we love the Lord, we will be with Him forever. He promises us that all this evil will be defeated in the end. But until His work is done here on earth, we need Him to help us maneuver through this life.
When a child asks why, it is important to give a real honest answer. Certainly, sometimes "because I said so" is acceptable. After all, God sometimes tells us to obey and doesn't give much reasoning. But when teaching children, explanation is important. It trains them to think about the bigger picture and to consider factors outside of themselves.
Lastly, children also learn through exploration. Teaching through exploration is something I do much better in a professional setting than at home. I have lots of exploratory lessons for mathematics and science. We do some of that at home too, but nature hikes, digging through dirt, pulling apart leaves and exploring God's world is not something I do a lot of with my children anymore. I know I need too. Kids LOVE to look and touch and smell, and jump around. And while, my children do much of it on their own, having a parent there to "play" with them makes it a much richer experience.
Over the next few months, I'm going to write about the purposeful lessons I teach my children, starting with discernment. In a world that echos the phrase "Who are you to judge?" teaching our children to understand the difference between right and wrong and recognizing right from wrong is essential. This world is quick to label a person as intolerant or extreme when he or she declares a lie to be a lie. Sometimes even labeling a sin as a sin makes you a radical. While my children are young and haven't gotten into the heavier issues, we love to pick out the lies on commercials. Even my 3 year old is getting good at separating fact from fiction when some toy manufacturer claims that their toy is the best! Being discerning is different from being judgmental. But if you think discernment comes naturally, look around you. How many adults would you consider to be wise and discerning? Discernment has to be taught and parents are just the people assigned to the task.
Next week I'll post about how I go about teaching discernment to my children.
After that, I'm planning on writing about Jesus and Santa and the struggle between myth and reality - which is an ongoing problem in this house! Don't feel obligated to read this blog. Given my pattern over the past year, I obviously don't feel obligated to write it! (Though I'll try to do better these next few months).
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
A few things I've written about in the past are:
1) Teaching children to have a relationship with the Lord.
2) Being aware that the devil is out to steal our kids.
3) The pain of rejection and how it wounds children.
4) Raising passionate children.
5) Teaching children that life is eternal and extends way beyond earthly death.
There could be more, but since I write for a ministry I sometimes forget what I write about for them and what I've written about on here. Oddly, I still despise writing. But somethings are worth writing about even if I find the process tedious.
I've rambled enough, so here is the post for today:
I come from a LONG line of teachers on my mother's side. My grandparents were teachers. Nearly all my aunts and uncles are teachers. Most of my cousins are teachers. It is so ridiculous that one might wonder if there is a "teaching" gene. Very few have married into the family who aren't teachers so maybe there is some prerequisite I don't know about. To say that education is important to my family may be a bit of an understatement. I think a lot of people assume that teaching is something left up to the schools, but I would whole-heartedly disagree. Teaching should start at home, and I'm not referring to homeschooling and academics, I'm referring to life.
Even if we don't realize it, we teach our children daily. Sometimes we teach by example, sometimes we teach through direct instruction, and sometimes we teach through exploration. But what we need to understand is that we are always teaching and our children are continuously learning from us. Sadly, many parents aren't conscious of what they are implanting into their children.
How we interact with our children has a huge impact on how they view the world from a very young age. When children are ignored and pushed to the side regularly, they are taught that they aren't valuable. When children are exposed to violence and vulgar language they learn that those are acceptable ways to express themselves. When children are given rules and responsibilities, they learn that life has boundaries and there are expectations for their behavior. When children are loved and cared for, they learn that their life and feelings are valuable. When children are coddled and spoiled, they learn that their needs come first and expect to be served. Yes - our children are always learning from us even when we aren't intentionally teaching them.
However sometimes we do set out to intentionally teach our children specific lessons and our actions and conversations are very purposeful. This is called direct instruction. So what kinds of things should we be teaching our children? There is so much I could write about. Just ask my kiddos! I pretty much talk their ears off all day long. But nearly 100% of the time all lessons revolve around spiritual concepts. Why? Well, because children always ask why! And I can find very little reason for anything absent of God's word, will, and character.
Why do we have to behave? Because we are not our own, we were bought with a price, and God has a purpose and plan for our lives. We need to obey our parents because in doing so we are learning to obey God who is the Highest Authority.
Why can't we watch TV all day long? (I have A LOT of reasons for this!) Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and we shouldn't feed it junk and things that displease the Lord. Some TV is good, but there is a lot that is dangerous and misleading. We are also meant to work and not be lazy. God has given us responsibilities to fulfill that we cannot do when glued to the TV. Don't get me started, I have way too much to say on this topic.
Why do puppies get hurt? Why are our lives filled with disappointment and pain? Why do people we love get sick? Why do bad things happen to good people? Because we are sinners. We live in a world full of sinners and the devil's goal is to hurt as many people as possible. (You may ask, do you really say that to your kids? Yes I do.) However, God is good. He doesn't promise us a life free of hurt, but He is good to us and protects us from a multitude of bad things. He heals our bodies most of the time. He causes our heart to beat steadily all day and all night. He gives us food to eat and warm water to bathe in. We cannot escape the evil of the world, but when we love the Lord, we will be with Him forever. He promises us that all this evil will be defeated in the end. But until His work is done here on earth, we need Him to help us maneuver through this life.
When a child asks why, it is important to give a real honest answer. Certainly, sometimes "because I said so" is acceptable. After all, God sometimes tells us to obey and doesn't give much reasoning. But when teaching children, explanation is important. It trains them to think about the bigger picture and to consider factors outside of themselves.
Lastly, children also learn through exploration. Teaching through exploration is something I do much better in a professional setting than at home. I have lots of exploratory lessons for mathematics and science. We do some of that at home too, but nature hikes, digging through dirt, pulling apart leaves and exploring God's world is not something I do a lot of with my children anymore. I know I need too. Kids LOVE to look and touch and smell, and jump around. And while, my children do much of it on their own, having a parent there to "play" with them makes it a much richer experience.
Over the next few months, I'm going to write about the purposeful lessons I teach my children, starting with discernment. In a world that echos the phrase "Who are you to judge?" teaching our children to understand the difference between right and wrong and recognizing right from wrong is essential. This world is quick to label a person as intolerant or extreme when he or she declares a lie to be a lie. Sometimes even labeling a sin as a sin makes you a radical. While my children are young and haven't gotten into the heavier issues, we love to pick out the lies on commercials. Even my 3 year old is getting good at separating fact from fiction when some toy manufacturer claims that their toy is the best! Being discerning is different from being judgmental. But if you think discernment comes naturally, look around you. How many adults would you consider to be wise and discerning? Discernment has to be taught and parents are just the people assigned to the task.
Next week I'll post about how I go about teaching discernment to my children.
After that, I'm planning on writing about Jesus and Santa and the struggle between myth and reality - which is an ongoing problem in this house! Don't feel obligated to read this blog. Given my pattern over the past year, I obviously don't feel obligated to write it! (Though I'll try to do better these next few months).
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
So Sorry
I must apologize. I see that I haven't written since April! This spring has been very difficult. The kids, my husband, and I were all very ill for a very long time. We also lost a baby, though very early on. Everything has been so stressful and chaotic that it was all we could do just to get through each day. As of June things started to settle down. I'm sure I gleaned some wisdom about raising kids this spring. However, probably the most important accomplishment was that we all made it through alive! Isn't that the case sometimes? We're just happy to have made it through. :)
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Raising Kids for Eternity - Why would I ask the Lord into my heart?
We were driving. Yes, I realize that almost all of my stories that center around conversations either occur in the car or at the dinner table. So, I'm sorry for the redundancy of the situation, but this conversation was rather new.
We were driving when Gabe said, "Mom I asked my friend if he was a Christian. He said, 'yes.' So, I asked him if he knew God, and he said, 'no.' So, he's not really a Christian."
Which prompted me to ask, "Gabe, do you know God?"
Without any hesitation he responded emphatically, "Yes!"
"Well how do you know? I mean, you can't even see Him." (Perhaps not the time to be playing devil's advocate, but I feel it is important that my children know why they believe what they believe."
Gabe said, "I can't see Him now, but I'll see Him in heaven. Hey Mom, where's heaven?"
And the conversation goes on from there concerning outer space, the sky, expansion of outer space, the red shift (yes, that one was from me), and red giants - none of which really had to do with heaven. I did zoom back around to ask him, "Gabe have you ever asked Jesus into your heart?" He said, "no." I asked him if he wanted to, and he also said, "no." Now, Isaac and I had this same conversation at 4 years old and even at 8 years old and so far none of my children feel the need to ask Jesus into their hearts.
Lest you think I'm raising heathens, I felt exactly the same way at their age and I still do today. I have known the Lord from a very very young age. I cannot tell you the date I became saved and neither can my mother. I remember my mom teaching me to confess and repent of my sins when I was either 3 or 4, because I still to this day remember lying in bed crying with my mom kneeling beside my bed while we were praying. I didn't want God to know that I had whacked my brother Matthew. But I was very aware that what I did was wrong and that I needed God to forgive me. Was I saved at 3? Perhaps, but I have no record of me actually asking Jesus into my heart. My mom told me that when I was 6 I struggled when that question was posed to me. She had enrolled me in vacation Bible school at the local baptist church. I didn't attend there, but it was much closer than the church we went to every Sunday so it was much more convenient. Apparently, I was told repeatedly that I needed to ask Jesus into my heart. I was even asked if I had already asked Jesus into my heart and told them, "no." Truth is, I hadn't, and I wasn't going to because I didn't feel I needed to.
For those of you who don't know me, I have an extremely strong will. Even from a very young age, I had an extremely strong will. But I always had a reason. I rarely act without thought or give consideration to my actions and their consequences. Even then, I had a reason for not asking Jesus into my heart. I truly believed he was already there! I never asked my mom to be my mom or my dad to be my dad. Neither did I feel the need to ask God to be my God. I just assumed that He was and is and that I belong to Him. I accept His rules, His truth, His salvation, and that I desperately need Him. I also truly love Him.
And so I contemplate whether or not to push my kids to say, "Jesus please come into my heart and save me because I am a sinner." When I was 12 I professed my faith publicly at church and was baptized because I wanted to, but I was saved long before that day. I want my children to know God, to love Him, and to grow closer to Him each and every day. I want them to have that relationship with Him. I desire for the Holy Spirit to dwell within them and for them to deny themselves so that they can live sold out for Christ.
I know that for many, uttering those words of invitation are very important because they have lived a life apart from Christ and they need to stop and change directions. None of us are sinless, we all need Christ to save us. And we all need the Holy Spirit to indwell us and guide us. But as church people push for dates and times and phrases, is that the message I should be personally sending my kids? I don't have a date or time to give when asked, "When did you become a Christian?" I can't even begin to tell you or guess. I have no idea. I don't remember life without God, and I am so thankful I had parents who introduced Him to me at an exceedingly young age. So I really wonder, as I raise my kids, should I push them to say those words, or do I accept that they know the Lord to the best of their ability and love Him even now? I suppose I'll have to pray about it.
We were driving when Gabe said, "Mom I asked my friend if he was a Christian. He said, 'yes.' So, I asked him if he knew God, and he said, 'no.' So, he's not really a Christian."
Which prompted me to ask, "Gabe, do you know God?"
Without any hesitation he responded emphatically, "Yes!"
"Well how do you know? I mean, you can't even see Him." (Perhaps not the time to be playing devil's advocate, but I feel it is important that my children know why they believe what they believe."
Gabe said, "I can't see Him now, but I'll see Him in heaven. Hey Mom, where's heaven?"
And the conversation goes on from there concerning outer space, the sky, expansion of outer space, the red shift (yes, that one was from me), and red giants - none of which really had to do with heaven. I did zoom back around to ask him, "Gabe have you ever asked Jesus into your heart?" He said, "no." I asked him if he wanted to, and he also said, "no." Now, Isaac and I had this same conversation at 4 years old and even at 8 years old and so far none of my children feel the need to ask Jesus into their hearts.
Lest you think I'm raising heathens, I felt exactly the same way at their age and I still do today. I have known the Lord from a very very young age. I cannot tell you the date I became saved and neither can my mother. I remember my mom teaching me to confess and repent of my sins when I was either 3 or 4, because I still to this day remember lying in bed crying with my mom kneeling beside my bed while we were praying. I didn't want God to know that I had whacked my brother Matthew. But I was very aware that what I did was wrong and that I needed God to forgive me. Was I saved at 3? Perhaps, but I have no record of me actually asking Jesus into my heart. My mom told me that when I was 6 I struggled when that question was posed to me. She had enrolled me in vacation Bible school at the local baptist church. I didn't attend there, but it was much closer than the church we went to every Sunday so it was much more convenient. Apparently, I was told repeatedly that I needed to ask Jesus into my heart. I was even asked if I had already asked Jesus into my heart and told them, "no." Truth is, I hadn't, and I wasn't going to because I didn't feel I needed to.
For those of you who don't know me, I have an extremely strong will. Even from a very young age, I had an extremely strong will. But I always had a reason. I rarely act without thought or give consideration to my actions and their consequences. Even then, I had a reason for not asking Jesus into my heart. I truly believed he was already there! I never asked my mom to be my mom or my dad to be my dad. Neither did I feel the need to ask God to be my God. I just assumed that He was and is and that I belong to Him. I accept His rules, His truth, His salvation, and that I desperately need Him. I also truly love Him.
And so I contemplate whether or not to push my kids to say, "Jesus please come into my heart and save me because I am a sinner." When I was 12 I professed my faith publicly at church and was baptized because I wanted to, but I was saved long before that day. I want my children to know God, to love Him, and to grow closer to Him each and every day. I want them to have that relationship with Him. I desire for the Holy Spirit to dwell within them and for them to deny themselves so that they can live sold out for Christ.
I know that for many, uttering those words of invitation are very important because they have lived a life apart from Christ and they need to stop and change directions. None of us are sinless, we all need Christ to save us. And we all need the Holy Spirit to indwell us and guide us. But as church people push for dates and times and phrases, is that the message I should be personally sending my kids? I don't have a date or time to give when asked, "When did you become a Christian?" I can't even begin to tell you or guess. I have no idea. I don't remember life without God, and I am so thankful I had parents who introduced Him to me at an exceedingly young age. So I really wonder, as I raise my kids, should I push them to say those words, or do I accept that they know the Lord to the best of their ability and love Him even now? I suppose I'll have to pray about it.
Please consider signing this peition:
Please consider signing this peition: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/immediate-action-requested-romeikes%E2%80%94grant-permanent-legal-status-persecuted-german-homeschool-family/06vqtgCp?m=t
It is in regards to a homeschool family from Germany who have been permitted to stay, but now the Obama administration will be deporting them soon. Germany is a country that forbids its population to homeschool and they would likely have their children removed from them if they return and continue to homeschool - which is why they came to the US in the first place. You can read more about them here: http://www.hslda.org/courtreport/V26N2/V26N201.asp
It should be noted that they were granted the right to stay by the court process in the US. However, Obama's administration intervened single handedly through ICE in order to deport this family back to Germany specifically stating, "ICE argues that the U.S. law recognizes the “broad power of the state to prohibit or regulate homeschooling,” and that this, among other things, should disqualify the granting of asylum. ICE writes that Germany’s harsh treatment of homeschoolers is merely prosecution, rather than persecution. ICE lawyers write that “[e]ven were such fear[s] objectively reasonable, these sanctions would only amount to prosecution.”"
Yeah - I'm really not a fan of this administration. Please help this family and sign the petition. Here are the specific directions if you get confused.
http://www.hslda.org/legal/cases/Romeike/petition.asp?src=email130405
It is in regards to a homeschool family from Germany who have been permitted to stay, but now the Obama administration will be deporting them soon. Germany is a country that forbids its population to homeschool and they would likely have their children removed from them if they return and continue to homeschool - which is why they came to the US in the first place. You can read more about them here: http://www.hslda.org/courtreport/V26N2/V26N201.asp
It should be noted that they were granted the right to stay by the court process in the US. However, Obama's administration intervened single handedly through ICE in order to deport this family back to Germany specifically stating, "ICE argues that the U.S. law recognizes the “broad power of the state to prohibit or regulate homeschooling,” and that this, among other things, should disqualify the granting of asylum. ICE writes that Germany’s harsh treatment of homeschoolers is merely prosecution, rather than persecution. ICE lawyers write that “[e]ven were such fear[s] objectively reasonable, these sanctions would only amount to prosecution.”"
Yeah - I'm really not a fan of this administration. Please help this family and sign the petition. Here are the specific directions if you get confused.
http://www.hslda.org/legal/cases/Romeike/petition.asp?src=email130405
Monday, March 18, 2013
"Stealing" our Kids from an Eternity with the Lord
I put "stealing" in quotes because in all reality, the Devil cannot steal our children. No one can steal a child out of the Lord's Hand. However, that doesn't mean that the Devil doesn't try lead our children astray and attempt to dispel the Truth.
We have had sick kids in the house the past few days. Puking and diarrhea have kept the washer going day and night. So, I am trying to keep them resting and stationary - on top of blankets that are easy to wash. So, I put on cartoons. They love them, keep them seated, and I don't have to fight to keep the kids resting. I'm really strict about what the kids watch and generally G rated cartoons are pretty safe...generally.
Even though I'm not sitting right with them, I try to always have an idea of what is on TV. The other morning when I let them watch the "Backyardagains" this is what came on:
The Gods of Mount Olympus
Pablo: Come on, let's go above the clouds to a place that's way up high. Where ancient gods control the world from their thrones up in the sky.
Tyrone: I'm not sure that we'll be welcome.
Pablo: Aw, come on, don't be a wimpus.
Tyrone: Wimpus?!
Pablo: Come on with me and we'll go see...the gods of Mount Olympus. Up above on Mount Olympus is a world all soft and white. Where we'll ask the gods to stop the rain and be back before tonight.
Tyrone: I agree, it would be better if the sun were out again.
Pablo: So, may I suggest an heroic quest?
Tyrone: A heroic task!
Pablo: Let's go and ask the gods of Mount Olympus. We should take with us an offering, something that might appease. Cause the gods are often grumpy and they can be hard to please.
Tyrone: We could teach them basketball!
Pablo: Now you're talkin'!
Tyrone: Count me in, my dear companion, you don't have to ask me twice. Let's go and find this Tasha, she might even be nice.
Both: It'll be a great adventure playing basketball in the sky!
Pablo: So come on, let's go...
Both: Together, we'll go...
Tyrone: Where the rain don't fall.
Pablo: And the wind don't blow.
Both: And they can't say no to some guys from below the clouds of Mount Olympus! So come with me and we'll go and see the gods of Mount Olympus!
Ironically, the Backyardagins website posted this for me, so I didn't even have to guess about what was being said. You can find the link here http://backyardigans.wikia.com/wiki/The_Gods_of_Mount_Olympus .
I have a lot to say about this kind of thing. I'm sure many parents think it is no big deal, but I can assure you that my children were confused. The younger kids asked, "Isn't there only One God?" "You can climb a mountain to visit God?" Certainly this led to good conversation because I was watching it with them. But what if I hadn't been? What lingering misconceptions would have been planted in their minds? You see the Devil is out looking to destroy our children. 1 Peter 5:8 reads, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."
I don't take this kind of thing lightly. We changed the channel immediately. I know, I'm "radical." But to be very honest, maybe more Christian parents need to be radical too. If we keep turning a blind eye to all the little seeds the Devil attempts to plant in our children's minds, then we have no right to be surprised when they grow up disregarding the Truth.
We have had sick kids in the house the past few days. Puking and diarrhea have kept the washer going day and night. So, I am trying to keep them resting and stationary - on top of blankets that are easy to wash. So, I put on cartoons. They love them, keep them seated, and I don't have to fight to keep the kids resting. I'm really strict about what the kids watch and generally G rated cartoons are pretty safe...generally.
Even though I'm not sitting right with them, I try to always have an idea of what is on TV. The other morning when I let them watch the "Backyardagains" this is what came on:
The Gods of Mount Olympus
Pablo: Come on, let's go above the clouds to a place that's way up high. Where ancient gods control the world from their thrones up in the sky.
Tyrone: I'm not sure that we'll be welcome.
Pablo: Aw, come on, don't be a wimpus.
Tyrone: Wimpus?!
Pablo: Come on with me and we'll go see...the gods of Mount Olympus. Up above on Mount Olympus is a world all soft and white. Where we'll ask the gods to stop the rain and be back before tonight.
Tyrone: I agree, it would be better if the sun were out again.
Pablo: So, may I suggest an heroic quest?
Tyrone: A heroic task!
Pablo: Let's go and ask the gods of Mount Olympus. We should take with us an offering, something that might appease. Cause the gods are often grumpy and they can be hard to please.
Tyrone: We could teach them basketball!
Pablo: Now you're talkin'!
Tyrone: Count me in, my dear companion, you don't have to ask me twice. Let's go and find this Tasha, she might even be nice.
Both: It'll be a great adventure playing basketball in the sky!
Pablo: So come on, let's go...
Both: Together, we'll go...
Tyrone: Where the rain don't fall.
Pablo: And the wind don't blow.
Both: And they can't say no to some guys from below the clouds of Mount Olympus! So come with me and we'll go and see the gods of Mount Olympus!
Ironically, the Backyardagins website posted this for me, so I didn't even have to guess about what was being said. You can find the link here http://backyardigans.wikia.com/wiki/The_Gods_of_Mount_Olympus .
I have a lot to say about this kind of thing. I'm sure many parents think it is no big deal, but I can assure you that my children were confused. The younger kids asked, "Isn't there only One God?" "You can climb a mountain to visit God?" Certainly this led to good conversation because I was watching it with them. But what if I hadn't been? What lingering misconceptions would have been planted in their minds? You see the Devil is out looking to destroy our children. 1 Peter 5:8 reads, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."
I don't take this kind of thing lightly. We changed the channel immediately. I know, I'm "radical." But to be very honest, maybe more Christian parents need to be radical too. If we keep turning a blind eye to all the little seeds the Devil attempts to plant in our children's minds, then we have no right to be surprised when they grow up disregarding the Truth.
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