"You know, you should have been a boy scout!" declared my husband one night as I was working on my computer. "Huh?" I responded as intelligently as I could. "Your life motto should be 'Always Be Prepared,'" he clarified.
I got the impression that he believes my planning and organizing borders on excessive sometimes. Yes, it is true, our budget extends 40 years into the future, but in my defense all it really consists of is a series of equations and a lot of copying and pasting. In fact, with one click and drag of the mouse, I can extend it out 100 years - but that truly would be absurd.
So what does this have to do with being a parent? Well to begin with, before my children were even born, I thought about what I'd do when my children came home drunk, high, pregnant, or just steeped in sin. In fact, I assume that at some point, each and every one of my children is going to really mess up. Perhaps they won't, but I think it is safe to say that every one at some point in time finds themselves in major trouble, usually of their own doing.
I think it is also safe to assume that temptation will come knocking at our children's door throughout middle school and high school. To pretend that it won't or that our children will know what to do when it does is naive at best and dangerous at worst. So I have a lot of conversations with my children and with my husband about how we'll handle things when they arise. Up until this point, nothing really big has happened. Our children are still in elementary and since they are homeschooled most of the time, a certain amount of protection from the world is in place. That is, until this past week.
Not wanting to embarrass Isaac (almost 11 years old), I'll be somewhat vague when I describe recent events. Friends he thought were friends started treating him poorly and making fun of him for not participating in worldly speech and behaviors and even said that they are no longer Christians and don't want to be Christians. A "friend" from church has also started picking on him when he is at the public school, but is really nice to him when he's at church. Another acquaintance from church, a girl, has been harassing him for quite some time, but has recently escalated her harassment. She spreads rumors about him, calls him gay, takes pictures of him at church and at school and then posts them in an unkind way. She's been trying to get others to make fun of him too. These personal attacks just top off the regular terrible things that happen at school and on the bus - such as swearing, kids displaying porn on their phones, and some physical intimidation.
Today before I dropped him off at school for a couple of hours of gym and music, we had a long profitable discussion about how to handle conflict with others. We also talked about how Christians and non-Christians think and live. I know Isaac isn't perfect. I know he has his flaws and that he can hurt others by what he says and does, but I also am thankful that he truly loves the Lord. Today, Isaac came up with his own plan about how to handle this particular girl. I told him what I would probably do, what Dad would probably do, but I also emphasized that we all have different personalities and that we have to do what is right (first and foremost) and what is true to our personality. He decided to ask her this question when she started into him:
"We both go to church. You say you love Jesus and are a Christian, so why would you treat me this way?"
I must say, I was impressed. I would have taken a much harsher tone. In Dad's younger years, he probably would have knocked her down. But Isaac decided to take a more logical (and wiser) approach. We prepped for a couple of hours and I warned him that she probably wouldn't have a "come to Jesus" moment and apologize for her behavior. He knew that a more likely reaction would be to lash out and try to get him into trouble. We also prepped for that. I dropped him off and then I prayed for him. I called Dad, told him what was going on, and he prayed for him.
I could have talked to the girl's parents. I could have told Isaac just to ignore her. I could pretend that the situation will just go away. I could have encouraged him and told him life will get better with time. Instead, I told him that unfortunately he's going to run into this type of thing all the time while he's in school - right through college. I told him that we can't expect non-Christians to act like Christians. I told him that even though we don't always know exactly what will happen, we can still have a plan. And we must purpose in our hearts to always do what God wants us to do ahead of time.
My heart hurts when my children's hearts hurt. But ultimately, these children of mine, are not mine. They belong to God. It is my job to love them and to teach them and to help prepare them for the job God has planned for them. On our way to school, I love how our conversation turned from how Isaac would handle the situation to how God loves the lost. He actually said to me that he was sad that he knew so many unsaved people and that he prayed for some of our family members he thought were unsaved. He also said he prays for his Sunday School teacher's son. What 5th grader thinks about this kind of thing?
It isn't easy growing up. Children are naturally self centered and tend towards self preserving behaviors as opposed to empathy for others. But even though life is hard, I take great joy when I see God working on the hearts of my children. Even though I try to prepare them for life, ultimately it is God who does the preparation. I am merely His helper. I love being a mom, but a big part of being a parent is knowing my place.
I hope and pray that all of this preparation I put in will eventually pay off. However, I know that ultimately, I cannot dictate my children's future. I cannot control their lives, nor can I make them wise. Being a mom takes a lot of faith and prayer. It also is based on a strong relationship not only with your children, but mostly with God.
I prayed that all would go well for Isaac today. When he came home he said the girl didn't bother him because she was busy picking on someone else. Oh well. We put in all the preparation for seemingly nothing - though I'm sure he'll get a chance later on to try and squash the harassment. Either way, this is only the beginning of all that is to come his way. The world is a cruel place filled with temptation and peer pressure. But our God loves all these people in spite of their behavior and He desires for their souls to be saved. As Christians we have to prepare our hearts and our eyes to see things as God sees them - not as we feel them. Because in the end, what God thinks is all that matters.
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