Teaching Children Discernment

"Hey Dad.  We're winners!" exclaims Gabe (6 years old).
"You bet we are!" affirms the largest male in our home.

Now, if I don't speak up, we'll never know where this thought came from.  And if I can't figure out why my children think the way they do, I'll never be able to teach them.
 .

Reluctantly I ask, "Gabe, why are you winners?" while simultaneously giving Derik the evil eye to keep his smart  mouth shut! :)

"Well, we eat Subway, so that makes us winners!"

Ahhh, and now the truth comes out.  Advertising is affecting the way my children process information.  Actually, I've known this for some time and have constantly told the children that most commercials lie to them.  I applaud them when they can pick out the lies, and now they're pretty good at it.  A brief discussion ensued regarding what really makes a person a winner and it has nothing to do with what we eat, but who we are in Christ.  Did I really have a conversation like this with my 6 year old?  You bet I did.  Does he understand everything I say?  Probably not, but it is better to start young than too late.  And truth be told, our children understand much more than we give them credit for.

Side note on how much children really understand:  Ben was playing with a toy on the floor.  Annie (18 months) kept bugging him trying to take his toy.  I told him to play with it up high at the table.  He moved.  She got a stool so she could reach his toy.  He got frustrated so I told him to take it to his room and close his door so she couldn't get to him.  Before he could even begin to climb down, she jumped off the stool ran down the highway to his room and sat on his bed.  So, lest you think children can only understand as much as they can communicate, let this be a lesson that they can understand much much more.

So, back to the commercials.  All of my kids are pretty good at picking out lies.  "That toy isn't really the best or most fun."  "Mama, did they just lie to me?  Will I be the coolest kid if I have that?"  "Is that cheeseburger really good for us?  Isn't it junk food?"  Etc, etc, etc.  It may seem silly, but actually teaching your children to pick out the lies on commercials is really good practice in discernment.  First of all there are PLENTY of lies to choose from.  No one's feelings get hurt, and it provides a lot of good conversation about what is truth and why the commercials are lying to you.  I actually have a power point of misleading commercials I used in my math classes to teach my students how to read graphs and data carefully.  Because, even intelligent adults are frequently mislead when they don't think carefully and use discernment.

Moving on from commercials, we have to understand that even "harmless" cartoons require discernment.  I wrote a while ago about a song on a cartoon that really bothered me.  I'm sure you can find it in one of my earlier blogs (found it! March 2013) , but you'd be surprised how frequently our children are "brainwashed" into believing things that simply aren't true.  For instance, recently Lalaloopsey referred to Christmas as "Joyful Holiday."  One of the other girly cartoons called Christmas carols, "holiday carols," and even another cartoon referred to Christmas as "Falalala Day."  So we had a conversation and discussion about why Christmas exists.  Then I asked my children how they would feel if I decided that their birthdays were now my holidays and on each of their birthdays I was going to focus on myself and throw a party for myself.  You see, renaming a Christian celebration may seem harmless, but truthfully there is a lot of danger and sin when we try to replace Christ and push Him to the side.  It isn't enough to tell children that it is wrong to call Christmas a "winter holiday" but they need to "discover" for themselves why it is so wrong.  Children don't base a lot of their decisions on truth and knowledge, but rather on feeling.  Babies cry when they feel hungry, wet, and tired.  As we grow older, our behavior and decisions should be based less on feeling and more on truth.  However, as parents we need to understand that children's feelings still drive a majority of their decisions and should be highly considered when we teach them.  So while I may tell my children that taking Christ out of Christmas is wrong, they need to feel that it is wrong if I want to make a lasting impression.  Putting them in the position of "losing" their birthdays brings a whole new perspective and further embeds the lesson into their minds.

Beyond media, I also try to make a preemptive strike when it comes to big future decisions.  Tonight at the dinner table Susie asked when she's older, if Daddy and I would be the Grandma and Grandpa, and also if she could bring her children to visit.  We said absolutely!  Derik volunteered to be the Grandpa - fitting as he'd never miss a moment to interject humor, even if the kids don't pick up on it.  But we did use the conversation to talk about picking out our spouses.  What do we look for in a husband or a wife?  What is the most important factor?  Yes, I know our oldest is only 10, but like I said before, I'd rather start these conversations early rather than late.  This way in the teenage years, not one of my children will be surprised when we are STILL having conversations about suitable mates.  We talked about how finding someone who loves Jesus is the most important.  We made the distinction between just saying you love God and loving Jesus.  We talked about how the world thinks that being pretty is the most important or that you have to find someone who makes you feel good right away when you're young.  Derik and I talked about how old we were when we got married and that it is okay to wait until you find the right person.  It is better to wait and feel a little bit lonely than to get married too quickly to the wrong person.  Will they remember these conversations in the future?  I'm sure they won't.  In fact, tomorrow it will be the furthest thing from their minds.  But it is important to teach your children to think and be discerning.  It is important to have these conversations from a young age so that as they get older you already have established the connection with your children and they expect that you'll keep talking about all of these important issues.

However, being discerning isn't always popular.  We frequently hear the phrase "Who are you to judge?"  No one likes it when someone disagrees with them and then quotes the Bible to boot!  Just recently, I saw a post on facebook proclaiming that all Christians were idiots because they couldn't think for themselves.  The writer said Christians just believed what they read in the Bible and were blind followers.  Actually, I think the person was ticked off because Christians believe in absolute truth.  We believe in being accountable to a Higher Authority, God.  We don't believe that truth sways with the wind, but rather stands firm and is written for eternity in the Word of God.  Further more, we believe that our actions should always be measured against it.  We have a set standard.  It is actually impossible to be discerning if you don't have a standard.  It would be impossible to know what is right or wrong if God Himself didn't lay it out for us.  The world doesn't want discernment.  They want to feel good all the time about everything.  What may be right for one person, isn't right for another, and everyone gets to set his or her own standards.  Unfortunately, what may feel good to one person can be extremely hurtful to another.  Being discerning doesn't come naturally to humanity.  Being selfish and running after things that make us feel good is common to children, but it should not be the way adults operate.

It is imperative that we teach our children to be discerning - that there is a right and wrong - that Truth is found in the Word of God.  Children will not reach these conclusions on their own and they won't learn to be discerning without guidance.  Teaching discernment to our children should start from a very young age, because if you wait until they are 15 to try to impart this wisdom, it may be too late.  If you're not sure where to begin - commercials are a fun place to start for everyone! :)