Conversations with My Teenager - I'm 13 and I know everything!

I have an absolutely wonderful teenager, Isaac.  He's gifted academically, athletically, and musically.  He knows how to be kind and responsible.  He knows how to respect authority and keep his word.  He can care for younger siblings and complete household tasks without any help.  Unfortunately, even though he's exceptionally gifted and knowledgeable, he is not without flaws.  By their nature, the teenage years present a number of difficult challenges.  Very few teenagers are immune from these problems and some suffer from them well into adult hood.  However, as I explained to my oldest, "My job as a mother did not stop at 12.  Actually my job morphs with age (your age) and if I don't do my job to the best of my ability, it will make your life harder, not easier.  Beyond that, I'm accountable to Christ for how I raise you, and I intend to always do what He wants me to do."

In normal teenage fashion, this statement was not well received.  But he's learned to obey and sit through my talking, so he passively listened to me first describe the current problem and then how it needed to be resolved.

Today's topic at hand was:  I'm 13 and I know everything!

Why do teenagers think they know everything?  Well, because in their worlds, they actually do.  Just think about everything they've accomplished in 12 measly years!  Most 12 year olds are potty trained, can dress themselves, read, write, and use a variety of forms of technology.  Many stay home alone and can cook for themselves.  Our teenager knows how to change diapers and care for sick children.  He does his own laundry, cleans bathrooms, and is even learning how to drive (on private roads).  Truly, he's already accomplished what most adults need to know in order to survive.  And he does it all well.  In fact, he has learned everything he physically needs to know in order to stay alive on his own without my help. Because of this, I consider him to be 'graduated from childhood.'  Perhaps I should have thrown a party, but I didn't.  Instead I just wandered into the teenage years with him, so he was confused.  What exactly are these teenage years for when you've already learned everything you need to know?  Good Question!  I'm glad he asked - actually he didn't ask.  But I presumed he did, so I went on to explain the teenage years in a way that he would understand.

In elementary school, students learn how to add, subtract, multiply, divide, and manipulate numbers in a basic fashion.  And unless someone tells them there is much more to the world of mathematics, most 5th graders are content with their mathematical knowledge and consider themselves to know enough to get by in the world.  (In fact, I might argue that most high school grads have about a 5th grade math education...but that is beside the point.)  Isaac found this idea to be ludicrous because he's a 7th grader already taking high school mathematics and understands that there are many more abstract concepts which elementary students know nothing about and that the world of mathematics is far broader than any of us understand.  In fact, it is infinite.  No one will ever know everything there is to know about math.  So, wouldn't it seem preposterous for a 5th grader to saunter into a Calc I class and declare that they already know everything that is going to be taught?  Isaac chuckled, because he understood this concept.  How embarrassing it would be for an ignorant child to proclaim that they understood concepts far beyond their current capabilities!  And so it is with teenagers.

The teenage years have little to do with learning how to do the dishes or laundry.  Certainly some teenagers have more childhood learning to do, but for those who have been well prepared, what exactly are those teenage years for?  Spiritual growth.  As a child you learn how to psychically survive; as a teenager, you learn how to spiritually survive.   Most teenagers have low spiritual intelligence.  Sure, some pray regularly and read their Bibles, but they are just now learning how to apply spiritual principles to their every day lives and it is a very hard thing to do without any guidance.  My job as a mother is to potty train my 2-year old and spiritually train my teenager.  So, together, Isaac and I will walk down the road of reading the Bible and learning how to understand scripture.  He will patiently learn to submit his will to his Father's will and understand that life isn't about doing what Mom and Dad say, but rather what God says.  He will learn that the pleasures of this world are very tempting, but nothing compares to an eternity with Christ.  Once he has decided in his mind and heart to submit to God in all things, all the time, no matter the circumstances, then he will have graduated from the teenage years.

I then posed this question to him, "What would a good mother do, if a toddler consistently reaches for a hot stove in spite of his mother's warnings?"  He responded, "Slap his hand away so that he doesn't get burned."  Exactly.  The slap to the hand is far less painful than a third degree burn.  And so, my beloved teenager, when you reach for a spiritual hot stove and harbor pride in your heart or cling to the ways of this world, consequences will follow.  Because the consequences I impose are far less painful than eternal consequences that come straight from God Himself.  And that is my job as a mother - to guide you down the beginning of this narrow difficult path and to consistently turn your head so that your eyes are on Christ and not on the world.

I'm fortunate to have a logically minded child who loves the Lord.  But he's still a teenager who struggles with all the same things other teenagers struggle with.  Helping him understand this phase of life and the goals he's supposed to accomplish, make life a little easier for both of us.  I love my children deeply.  But I am mindful that they have been entrusted to me for a short time.  In that time, I will fail, but I'll never stop trying to do what God has called me to do.  And one day, I look forward to eternity with Christ and a huge family full of children and grandchildren who love Him too.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5