The Bad Guys

Benjamin just turned 6 years old. We fondly refer to him as "Beets." (Don't ask me how he ended up with that name. He isn't rhythmic nor does he like beets. Dad passes out nicknames liberally and without much reasoning. And yet, some of them just stick.)

Ben is our warrior.  He's been a fighter most of his life and was actually born into the world in a pretty dramatic and life threatening fashion.  Since then, his young life has been a series of battles - all of which he has won.  In fact, he has a plaque hanging outside of his bedroom door as testament to the strength God has given him.  It reads, "For the eyes of the Lord roam throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.  2 Chronicles 16:9a"

In this picture you'll find Beets at the age of 4 with his beanbag hand grenade and his dusting rifle equipped with a pirate sword bayonet.  This is what woke me up by busting through my bedroom door well before my alarm went off that morning.  But never fear, I was informed that my bedroom had been swept and was clear.

Ironically, Benjamin is also extremely tenderhearted.  In our family, each member prays before we eat dinner.  (With 8 people to make the rounds, I don't even put the food on the table until we're done praying so that it stays warm.)  Benjamin's prayers usually go something like this:

Dear Jesus, 

Thank you for this food.  Thank you for our family. Dear Jesus help the bad guys to  find the right path and help their hearts turn to you.  Help those who hate you to love you.  And help us to do the right thing too.  And help me to be good and love you too.

In Jesus name we pray, 

Amen. 

To be clear, our family doesn't use the terms "bad guys," "right path," or "turn to you" when we pray.  And yet somewhere in his short life, he has come across these terms and incorporated them into his prayers.  He sounds more like a 20 year old than a newly minted 6 year old, but his heart is very much in the right place and he means every word he says.

However, we must not forget that Ben is a warrior...and apparently a liar.  He's a smiling liar so we didn't catch him very early in life - until one day about a week ago.  I'll spare you the details, but upon being caught lying, he doubled down and lied again.  Unfortunately, he didn't get to witness what happens to older brothers and sisters who lie, so he wasn't exactly certain what would come his way.  He was disciplined in love and I believe the message was heard loud and clear.  We do not lie in this family and if we do, there are consequences.

Later that night after I sang to him and tucked him in, I explained to Beets that when we love Jesus, we have to confess our sins and ask God to forgive us.  Confessing was admitting out loud what he did and why it was wrong and then asking Jesus out loud to forgive him and help him not to do it again.  I also explained that God already knew what he did wrong and when he talked to God about his sin, I wasn't going to intervene and give him more discipline.  His words to God were between him and God and not me.  

Ben started to cry.  He didn't want to admit his sin out loud.  But I insisted.  And I also made sure he understood that when we ask God to forgive us, it demonstrates that we are sorry.  Sorry means that we wished we hadn't done it in the first place and we never want to do it again.  He did as he was instructed through tears and then said in a moment of revelation, "Mama, I am the bad guys I pray for."

That sentence brought tears to my eyes!  Yes, Ben!  Yes you are.  We are all sinful.  We are all broken.  We all need a savior.  But that isn't the end, it is the beginning.  You see, when we know that we are the bad guys and we repent of our wicked ways and ask God to forgive us and allow Jesus to be the Lord of our lives, then we are saved!  At that point, we are a new creation!  We don't stay bad guys, Jesus makes us new!  

Hallelujah!  What joy there is when a child recognizes his sin and understands his need for the Savior.  Benjamin, we are not condemned to a life of sin and death.  Through Jesus we are free and get to live with Him for eternity.

"From that time on Jesus began to preach, 'Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.'" - Matthew 4:17 

Lessons from the Blueberry Patch

We have six children, so it goes without saying that while they were little, the older children got more individual time with mom and dad than the younger children.  Yesterday afternoon on a whim, I took tiny Annie who just turned 4 years old to what might be her favorite place on earth - the blueberry patch.

Though she had never been there before, blueberries are by far her favorite food and she will eat them until she is sick if allowed.  It was just Annie and me, with our buckets, headed out to a local farmer's u-pick patch to marvel at the blueberries and bring in the harvest.

On the way there, I reminded her that we do not eat blueberries while we pick.  Instead we have to weigh them, pay for them, and then we can munch on them in the car.  I know eating is allowed at this patch, but I want my children to learn that farmers fields are like grocery stores.  (Nothing irritates me more than tourists who pull off to the side of the road and steal fruit out of a farmer's orchard.  So we emphasize respecting farmer's and their harvest in our family.)

When we got to the patch, Annie was absolutely delightful!  She had fellow pickers laughing at her quips about the "blueberry jungle" and how she found some "perfectly delicious blueberries that were just right!"  She never ate a single blueberry in the field even though everyone else around us was.  She was polite and kind and filled with joy.  One berry at a time, she put them in her little bucket to enjoy later.  My heart overflowed with love for this little girl who couldn't have been more happy or well-behaved.

When we went to pay, she was given a little box for her tiny haul, which I handed to her after she was all buckled up in the car.  On the way home we were chatting and I encouraged her to eat while we talked.  But then I noticed in my review mirror that she had stopped.  I reminded her that they were all hers to eat and she should enjoy them after she worked so hard.  And she pointed out that I wasn't eating all of mine because I was going to share them with the family.  Annie said, "I want to be like you, Mommy, so I'm going to share the rest of mine with my brothers and sister!"

My little girl had her favorite food in front of her.  She had worked hard to pick out every single perfect berry.  Her total haul consisted of no more than 50 or so berries, and while her belly would have loved to gobble them all up, her desire to be like me outweighed the desires of her flesh. 

Annie took immense joy in spending time with me that afternoon.  She loved to work hard and did a good job picking only the berries that were big and ripe.  She never ate a single berry while we were picking, because I asked her not to.  She enjoyed chatting and laughing while we worked, and she mimicked all of my behaviors because the desires of her heart to be like her mom outweighed her selfish desires.  She also shared her tiny harvest with all of her siblings.

How often do we enjoy spending time alone with God?  How often do we work hard for God even when no one else is looking?  How often do we resist following the crowd and do what God asks instead?  How often do we enjoy just communicating with Him and reading His Word?  How often do we cast aside our selfish desires simply to please our Father in Heaven as we attempt to be more like Him?

I suppose Annie wasn't the only one who learned a lesson in the blueberry patch yesterday.

1 John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did."

Raising Samson (the wild child)

To clarify, I do not have a son named Samson.  Nor do any of my children possess super strength.  But at times I feel for the woman who had to raise Samson because raising 'wild children' is not an easy task.

Well before I gave birth to my first child, I prayed that God wouldn't give me any children who would reject Him.  An odd prayer?  Yes, especially for a teenager.  But I decided a long time ago, I'd rather be barren than have children who opposed God in their hearts. Fast forward 20 some years and here I am with 6 kids.  Some of them love the Lord deeply, some of them are too young to tell, and then there's one - one I'm just not sure about.

This one child drains my energy more than all the others combined.  He is constantly stirring up trouble.  His mouth knows no bounds and it seems that the concept of self-discipline has been permanently banned from his brain.  While I used to believe that I was pretty adept at raising children, this child baffles me daily.  My normal discipline techniques do not work.  My normal encouraging words fall on deaf ears.  I'm not particularly sure what motivates this boy other than his fleshly desires and I am highly concerned for his soul.  He's my Samson.

But wait!  Wasn't Samson considered one of the heroes of the Bible?  Well, yes.  Yet if you read Judges 13-16 in depth, instead of glossing over the messy parts, you quickly learn that Samson's life was riddled with trouble - mostly of his own making.  As a young man, he could kill wild animals with his bare hands, he liked to trick people, and he was a vengeful lustful man with a propensity for murder.  Honestly, there is little good recorded in the Bible about Samson other than the fact that God used him to defeat the Philistines and he judged Israel for 20 years.  However, when I read these passages, all I can think of is his poor mother.

How do you raise a child to love the Lord and do His will when your child seems mostly concerned about himself and getting what he wants?  How do you not lose your temper daily with a child like this?  How do you handle a loud boisterous child who lacks self control?  What do you do when a child takes great pleasure in antagonizing others?  No, my child did not tie 300 foxes in pairs, light their tales on fire, and send them into storehouses of food to burn it down.  My child also hasn't killed 30 men to take their possessions in order to pay off a bet.  But let me tell you, there are days when I wonder exactly what is going to come of his life.  Will he find his way to jail?  Will he find great pleasure in the sins of the world?  Will he ever submit to Christ and love Him with his whole heart?

This child is way too young to be considered a 'wild child.' But as you can see, the seeds were planted at a young age.  In this picture he became very angry when we told him 'no,' so he went to his room and dumped baby powder everywhere to get back at us. In fact, after the third time of this type of 'revenge' I had to remove all baby powder from the house.  He wasn't even two yet.  But the shirt seems very fitting.  And, no, raising him didn't get easier as he got older. 

I don't know.  I honestly cannot tell the future.  However this I do know, Samson made it.  And if there is hope for Samson, there is hope for my son.  So while I work on the daily struggles with this child I remind myself of these things regarding his future:

1) Samson was chosen by God before birth to do God's work in this world.  (Judges 13:5)  In fact, God said something similar about Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:5.  The truth is, before we were born, God knew us and He has a plan for our lives.  He also has a plan for our children's lives - even the wild ones.  God has a plan for my Samson even if I have no idea what it is.

2) Samson was exceptionally strong because God made him that way to do God's work.  Samson did not always use his gift wisely.  In fact, he was a pretty angry guy and made some really foolish choices.  But in spite of his faults, God still used him in a mighty way.  God can use my son too.  Though I may see his faults daily, that doesn't deter God.  God doesn't give up on my child because he's naughty, and neither will I.

3) Samson often gave into his flesh.  He did a lot of things that "seemed right in his own eyes" (Judges 14:3).  The Bible warns us in Proverbs 21:2 that "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart."  We know that fleshly desires and God's Law are often at odds.  But in spite of all the weaknesses of Samson's flesh, God still weighed his heart.  His sins, though great, did not determine his eternal destiny.  

4) Finally, Samson finished well, and that is the part of the story we remember.  His life of sin lead to a lot of terrible consequences in this world.  But at the end, when the Philistines were using him for entertainment while they worshiped Dagon, he asked God to strengthen him one last time and brought judgement on God's enemies!  The first part of my child's life has been rough.  I suspect there is a very bumpy road ahead.  Hopefully, the bumps only endure for a few years, but they might endure for the majority of his life.  But up until his final breath, he has a chance to finish well.

My child has hope, and I must remind myself of this daily.  Many of the great men of God have serious sin struggles.  My child will likely struggle too.  But God can still use him in spite of his struggles.  Though his life might be hard, God hasn't turned His back on him.  It may take this particular child a bit longer to formulate a deep relationship with Christ, but I pray that he will, and I'll remind him daily that God has a purpose for his life.  He has gifted my child differently than any other child in this world and has a special plan just for him.  If God can create Samson, use Samson, and even fill him with His Spirit, He can use my boy too. Wild children are not a lost cause.

My Bad Bad Week

It started off with someone hurting my child emotionally and thinking nothing of it.  The next day another person threw me under the bus for a mistake they made.  The next day I got a huge bill in the mail because the insurance company refused payment and I had to stay on the phone for 2 hours while someone looked into the problem.  The next day, I got into a fight with my husband.  The next day one of my children was persistently defiant.  The next day...well, you get the picture.   For 10 days straight, I had never ending problems.  No one died.  No one got sick, but problem after problem after problem took their toll.  Unfortunately, I did not live that week well.  It was a bad bad week (and a half).

Have you ever had a stressful week where nothing exceptionally horrible went wrong but the problems just kept piling on?  It is utterly exhausting.  My children will tell you, I was not a good mom during that time.  I was not a good wife during that time, and honestly, I was not a very good Christian either.

Yes, I was praying.  Yes, I was reading my Bible and asking God to help me.  Unfortunately, I wasn't a particularly good listener.  So God decided to punch me in the gut.  It wasn't fun.  I'll share my experience with you, so that hopefully, you can avoid doing what I did.

One evening we were watching a ball game for one of my children when Susie started talking to a child in our neighborhood.  Susie has a kind heart and a lovely spirit.  She makes friends very easily and treats all people with abundant respect (except her brothers).  Susie has a rare ability to make people feel loved.  She isn't perfect, but she is very unique.  God has gifted her in a special way to reach people for Him.  And that is what she was doing.  I wasn't paying much attention to their conversation until my 7 year old started talking to this other child about life and church and God.  WHAT?  I was having a terrible week.  My heart wasn't right, but there was my little girl talking very sweetly, witnessing to another child she hardly knew.  If that didn't shock my spirit, the next thing I noticed did.  Susie's new acquaintance was related to the adult who had done me wrong earlier in the week.  I was still quite angry about the situation.  So, God punched me.

My very bad week had distracted me from the purpose for which I was created.  My feelings, although justified, caused me to act in a way that would turn people off to Christ.  Yet my little girl was showing Christ's love to the same people who had done me wrong.  I did not know this family was unsaved until I overheard Susie's conversation.  So God knocked me to the ground (figuratively) and reminded me in a very authoritative way that my feelings should never take precedence over the Gospel message.

I went home with my tail tucked between my legs.  Yes, I had an absolutely awful week where I was mistreated time and time again.  Subsequently my flesh decided to make some unwise postings on facebook, speak negatively about a few people in my life, and lose my patience with those I love most.  I was a terrible Christian who needed a wake up call.

Sometimes it is easier to get through the hardest times in life - like losing a loved one or dealing with a chronic illness - because during those deep dark moments we lean on God minute by minute.  But the annoying headaches of life don't always drive us to Him.  I spent my time praying, complaining about the week, asking God to stop the problems, but never listening for His guidance.  Meanwhile, my daughter was busy about her Father's work.  And my actions were contradicting hers.

This world is evil.  Sinners sin.  People hate Christians.  It should come as no surprise that we will all have bad weeks.  And, unfortunately, we'll probably all fail from time to time.  Yet it is important to remember that our purpose is not simply to solve earthly problems or stand up for ourselves or our family.  People will hurt us and lie about us and send us bills that don't belong to us.  We will get upset.  But our overarching purpose is to share the Gospel.  If our actions compromise the Gospel of Christ, beware, God has a nasty right hook.  And He will get you.

Hebrews 12:6 - For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.

Will You Go Out With Me?

I remember the first time a boy asked me this question.  I was in 6^th grade and he passed me a note in science class.  It read, “Will you go out with me?  Circle one.   Yes  No  Maybe”  I was so excited!  A boy liked me!  But then I realized there was a problem.  I didn’t like him.  I circled “maybe,” because I wanted to cling to the idea that a boy liked me and yet reserve my right to not like him back.   Yes, I was a messed up middle school girl.  And as I think back, those years do not conjure up a lot of fond memories.  There was a lot of pressure to “go out” with someone not only from my friends but also from within myself.  The pressure I felt pales in comparison to the pressure kids feel today.  I grew up in the days when social media was unheard of and cell phones were hardly ever portrayed in a movie, and even then, I wasn’t convinced phones without cords were real.  Now, children rarely escape the pressure when they go home from school.  Instead they get to live it all over again via facebook, twitter, instagram, or other forms of social media.

Fast forward to today, and I have a middle schooler of my own.  He’s pretty good looking and respectful.  Consequently girls go after him like bees to honey.  He can’t even accompany me to the grocery store without anonymous girls following us, giggling, and snapping his picture on their phones.  The pressure for him to “go out” with a girl is far greater than it ever was for me to date a boy at his age.  The truth is, he likes girls – not necessarily the ones harassing him – but girls in general.  He also wants to fit in, and isn’t especially thrilled when his male friends teasingly call him “gay” because he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Truth be told, I didn’t entirely see this coming.  I knew there would be some pressure, but not the extreme pressure he feels at times.  However, it has helped that we’ve clearly established “dating guidelines” in our home and started talking about them at age 9.   

Guidelines We Emphasize In Our Home

1)      Girls are valuable people made by God to be treasured.  Their hearts are tender and some girls give their hearts away not knowing how painfully they can be hurt.  Never intentionally accept a girl’s heart if you can’t promise to protect it. 

2)      Dating is not the method we use to learn about ourselves, meet a new girl, or experiment physically.  Dating in no way is supposed to fulfill our lustful desires.  Using another person to get what you want is a sin. 

3)      The purpose of dating, or courting, is to determine if a girl, who you already know and like, is marriage material.  Could you spend the rest of your life with this one person?  If you already know you could not, walk the other way. 

4)      If you are not old enough to get married, you are not old enough to date.  Socially going out with friends, boys and girls in a group, is absolutely fine.  But forming a deep intimate relationship with a girl before you can actually commit to her in marriage could potentially lead to problems. 

I understand our family’s dating perspective is abnormal.  I know there are a few high school sweethearts who have been married for a very long time, and I do not doubt that good relationships can occasionally be formed during the high school years.  And to the surprise of some, we aren’t necessarily opposed to young people getting married soon after high school.  But the hearts of my son and future daughter-in-law are very precious.  Does that mean these guidelines will prevent them from heart ache?  No.  But some heart ache can be prevented.  No 11 year old needs a boyfriend or a girlfriend.  In fact, very few 16 year olds are even capable of having a God honoring romantic relationship with a person of the opposite sex.

I have taught in secondary education for a very long time and witnessed the heart ache and drama that occurs between teenagers “in love.”  Those relationships are highly emotional and can impact their lives in very negative ways, especially when conflict creeps in.  Very few teenagers understand what love is, and most are only in relationships to get what they want out of them.  A good marriage relationship is the opposite of the typical high school relationship.  Loving your spouse isn’t about getting what you want, but about putting your spouse’s interests before your own.  A good marriage is a sacrificial marriage. 

There are no guarantees in life, but teaching my son to pursue God honoring relationships before marriage helps to set him up for a successful marriage.  It may not alleviate the peer pressure at school, or keep the girls away, but it does help him to understand what kind of husband he should be and to seriously consider what kind of woman he should look for to be his wife.

1 Corinthians 10:31-32a “So eat and drink and do everything else for the glory of God.  Don’t do anything that causes another person to trip and fall.”

Lying on the Kitchen Floor

Through an unfortunate series of events, I found myself lying on my back on the kitchen floor.  I was not feeling well and I truly had no desire to move at that moment.  As could be expected, the children who were home were concerned.  Here are their following responses.

Gabe (8): "Mom.  Get off the floor.  If you don't feel well you need to be on the couch!"

Susie (7): "Mama, do you need anything?  Are you okay?  Do you want me to help you up?  I'll help you.  What do you need?"

Ben (5): "I don't like you on the floor.  Why are you on the floor?  You should get up.  Do you want me to get your cane?"

Joshua (2): Overhearing his brother, runs into the bedroom and grabs the cane.  Comes back into the kitchen and throws it at me.  Thanks, Josh.

Annie (3): Our quiet little one didn't say a word.  Instead she went and got a blanket and laid it over me.  Then she went to her bedroom, got her blanket, lay down beside me, and gave me a kiss.

All of these children love me.  They all want me well.  But they all had very different reactions.  This got me to thinking:
   

How do we show love to the lost people in this world?

Do we demand that they change their location and set foot in the church as though physically being in church will solve their problems?

Do we verbally offer help over and over again as though it is our words and good intentions that heal?

Do we throw relevant scriptures and verses their way as though randomly flung verses will save their souls?

Or do we go to the lost and love them where they are at?

Led by the Holy Spirit, I learn a lot from my children.  Not one of them wanted me to be on the kitchen floor.  And truthfully, the floor was not my ultimate goal.  But at that moment, it is where I was and I wasn't moving.  Instead of convincing or forcing me to move, Annie was the only one who showed me deep love where I was at.  I didn't stay on the floor eternally.  In an hour or so, I was up and on the couch, and after some time, I was up and walking around.

(Photo taken weeks after the incident! :)

And so it is with the lost.  No one truly desires to stay lost.  Everyone wants to be known and loved by the Creator.  But the only way to truly lead people to Christ is to show them Christ's love in a deep and personal way right where they are at.  And through love, they will find their way off the kitchen floor onto the couch, and eventually they'll be on their own two feet following Christ.

And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

Luke 5:30 

Be Like You

I'm not feeling very well right now and my children are noticing.  The other night as I prayed with Susie and tucked her in, she said, "Mama, can I pray for you?"  It melted my heart.  "Of course you can pray for me, Susie.  I would love that."

And so she began: "Dear Jesus, please help my Mom.  She isn't feeling well.  Could you make her be just like me?  Well, except for my rash.  And don't give her the ouchy dry skin on my hands or the hangnails on my fingers.  Actually God, you probably shouldn't make her like me.  Could you make her be like You?"

Yes, God, could you make me be like You?  My daughter couldn't have said it better.  That is my heart's desire, to be like You.

However, Susie made the mistake that many of us in the church often make.  How many times have we looked at other people and sized ourselves up against them?  I may not be as skinny or as muscular as so and so.  Or I may not pray as well as so and so.  We don't have as much money as that family over there or I can't sing as well as the people leading worship.  We get so focused on our abilities and characteristics and other people's abilities and characteristics that we completely lose sight of what being a Christian is all about.  It isn't about comparing one sinner to another.  As Susie learned during her prayer, we are all very flawed.  Trying to be like someone else doesn't make us better and it doesn't fix our problems.

Jesus clearly explains in Luke 18:10-14 that while we like to place some sort of hierarchy on sinners, there is no such thing.  We all fail.  We all fall short.  And no one is able to perfectly keep the law - not the Pharisee (knowledgeable famous pastor) or the Tax Collector (guy who forcibly takes other people's money for a living and isn't well liked).

The Pharisee and the Tax Collector

 

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

There are many people in the church who seem to have it all together and many others who may think to themselves, "If only I could be like those 'super Christians' over there!"  But the truth is not one of us is good.  (Romans 3:10-12)  We are all so far from good that no one has the right to be haughty and no one else should be upholding another person as the standard for their life.  Our standard is Christ.  No other sinner is my role model.  We are all flawed.  Yes, we can learn from one another.  We can help one another.  We can comfort and teach one another.  But I don't want to be like Susie, and I don't want Susie to be like me.  I'm grateful that my 7 year old daughter quickly learned the error of her ways while she was praying.  Because if she prayed for me to be like her, I wouldn't necessarily be better.  I would just have a different set of problems.  The only way I would be truly well is to be like Christ. So that is what she prayed, and I'm thankful that she did.  I'm also grateful that God took that moment to teach us all the truth about who we are and who He is.  We need a good and perfect God to show us the way.  May we all strive to be like Him.

Conversations with My Teenager - I'm 13 and I know everything!

I have an absolutely wonderful teenager, Isaac.  He's gifted academically, athletically, and musically.  He knows how to be kind and responsible.  He knows how to respect authority and keep his word.  He can care for younger siblings and complete household tasks without any help.  Unfortunately, even though he's exceptionally gifted and knowledgeable, he is not without flaws.  By their nature, the teenage years present a number of difficult challenges.  Very few teenagers are immune from these problems and some suffer from them well into adult hood.  However, as I explained to my oldest, "My job as a mother did not stop at 12.  Actually my job morphs with age (your age) and if I don't do my job to the best of my ability, it will make your life harder, not easier.  Beyond that, I'm accountable to Christ for how I raise you, and I intend to always do what He wants me to do."

In normal teenage fashion, this statement was not well received.  But he's learned to obey and sit through my talking, so he passively listened to me first describe the current problem and then how it needed to be resolved.

Today's topic at hand was:  I'm 13 and I know everything!

Why do teenagers think they know everything?  Well, because in their worlds, they actually do.  Just think about everything they've accomplished in 12 measly years!  Most 12 year olds are potty trained, can dress themselves, read, write, and use a variety of forms of technology.  Many stay home alone and can cook for themselves.  Our teenager knows how to change diapers and care for sick children.  He does his own laundry, cleans bathrooms, and is even learning how to drive (on private roads).  Truly, he's already accomplished what most adults need to know in order to survive.  And he does it all well.  In fact, he has learned everything he physically needs to know in order to stay alive on his own without my help. Because of this, I consider him to be 'graduated from childhood.'  Perhaps I should have thrown a party, but I didn't.  Instead I just wandered into the teenage years with him, so he was confused.  What exactly are these teenage years for when you've already learned everything you need to know?  Good Question!  I'm glad he asked - actually he didn't ask.  But I presumed he did, so I went on to explain the teenage years in a way that he would understand.

In elementary school, students learn how to add, subtract, multiply, divide, and manipulate numbers in a basic fashion.  And unless someone tells them there is much more to the world of mathematics, most 5th graders are content with their mathematical knowledge and consider themselves to know enough to get by in the world.  (In fact, I might argue that most high school grads have about a 5th grade math education...but that is beside the point.)  Isaac found this idea to be ludicrous because he's a 7th grader already taking high school mathematics and understands that there are many more abstract concepts which elementary students know nothing about and that the world of mathematics is far broader than any of us understand.  In fact, it is infinite.  No one will ever know everything there is to know about math.  So, wouldn't it seem preposterous for a 5th grader to saunter into a Calc I class and declare that they already know everything that is going to be taught?  Isaac chuckled, because he understood this concept.  How embarrassing it would be for an ignorant child to proclaim that they understood concepts far beyond their current capabilities!  And so it is with teenagers.

The teenage years have little to do with learning how to do the dishes or laundry.  Certainly some teenagers have more childhood learning to do, but for those who have been well prepared, what exactly are those teenage years for?  Spiritual growth.  As a child you learn how to psychically survive; as a teenager, you learn how to spiritually survive.   Most teenagers have low spiritual intelligence.  Sure, some pray regularly and read their Bibles, but they are just now learning how to apply spiritual principles to their every day lives and it is a very hard thing to do without any guidance.  My job as a mother is to potty train my 2-year old and spiritually train my teenager.  So, together, Isaac and I will walk down the road of reading the Bible and learning how to understand scripture.  He will patiently learn to submit his will to his Father's will and understand that life isn't about doing what Mom and Dad say, but rather what God says.  He will learn that the pleasures of this world are very tempting, but nothing compares to an eternity with Christ.  Once he has decided in his mind and heart to submit to God in all things, all the time, no matter the circumstances, then he will have graduated from the teenage years.

I then posed this question to him, "What would a good mother do, if a toddler consistently reaches for a hot stove in spite of his mother's warnings?"  He responded, "Slap his hand away so that he doesn't get burned."  Exactly.  The slap to the hand is far less painful than a third degree burn.  And so, my beloved teenager, when you reach for a spiritual hot stove and harbor pride in your heart or cling to the ways of this world, consequences will follow.  Because the consequences I impose are far less painful than eternal consequences that come straight from God Himself.  And that is my job as a mother - to guide you down the beginning of this narrow difficult path and to consistently turn your head so that your eyes are on Christ and not on the world.

I'm fortunate to have a logically minded child who loves the Lord.  But he's still a teenager who struggles with all the same things other teenagers struggle with.  Helping him understand this phase of life and the goals he's supposed to accomplish, make life a little easier for both of us.  I love my children deeply.  But I am mindful that they have been entrusted to me for a short time.  In that time, I will fail, but I'll never stop trying to do what God has called me to do.  And one day, I look forward to eternity with Christ and a huge family full of children and grandchildren who love Him too.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5

My Quiet Naughty

My dear little Annie who is only three years old would like you to think she’s as sweet as sugar.  Her sing-song voice reminds me of Minnie Mouse, her hair of Cindy Lou Who, and her smile not only lights up her face, but also a room.  She’s quite articulate for her age.  Sentences and song began flowing out of her well before the age of two.  Everywhere we go, people remark at how adorable Annie is.

However, those of us who live with her know the Annie others don’t get to see.  She’s a feisty little girl with an untamed spirit.  Utilizing a ninja like presence, she can destroy the order of a room in less than 5 minutes.  All toys are hers for the taking and her quiet demeanor allows for a destructive efficiency unmatched by other children her age.  It is this same gift which prompted her sister, with whom she shares a room, to tell her to "Get out!"  To which my little sweet Annie replied matter of factly, “You’re the worst sister ever and I don’t love you.”  She didn’t shout.  She didn’t stomp her feet.  She simply quietly announced her dissatisfaction and threw a few insults her sister’s way. 

As I laid in bed with Annie that night, I reminded her that being naughty is wrong.  But Annie informed me that being loud and naughty was wrong, but that being naughty and quiet was much better.  I didn’t laugh because she was quite serious.  I gently corrected her and put her to bed.  However, she fell asleep still convinced that her own sin was much less worse than all those other children who wore their sin loudly.  

In that moment, I saw myself -my Christian self - who had it all together for the world to see, but who protected those quiet sins which still lingered on the inside bathed in pride.  Even though I was thirty some years older than my toddler daughter, I was still rationalizing my sin because it was quiet.  I like my quiet naughty too.  I protect my haughty self and I not only allow others to look at me and my family with distinction, I relish in it.  Then my heart sank.  Just like my little Annie I wrongly believed in my heart that my quiet sins were much better than the in-your-face sins of others.  I knew in my head this way of thinking was wrong, but it took a three year old little girl to expose it in my heart.

As Christians when we start to think that our quiet sins set us apart from others who sin loudly, we put a huge spotlight on our pride. How can we serve Christ when pride lives in us?  We can’t.  I know that the world is filled with prideful people.  I know the unsaved suffer from the same prideful mindset as many within the church.  But we are called to be set apart.  We are called to be different, to wholly and humbly submit to Christ in all areas of our lives.  When we cling to pride on the inside, it doesn’t matter how put together our lives appear to others; everything that we do will pass through a lens of pride and self love, which is in direct opposition to the Gospel and the love of Christ.   We cannot serve two masters.  We cannot serve Christ and ourselves.  We must choose.  We must despise our quiet naughty and turn from our sins - even those that others cannot see.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!   

- Psalm 139:23-24