Loneliness

I am lonely - sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, but nearly all of the time.  As a child, being lonely was a lot more difficult.  There is something about the human spirit that craves relationship, and that shouldn't be too surprising because God created us for such a purpose.  But when we find ourselves outside of close relationships or far away from those we love, loneliness can really set in, and when it does we have to be very careful how much footing we allow it to have in our life.  Because if we look at the loneliness only through the lens of sadness, we risk misinterpreting the reason behind our feelings.

Often, feelings of loneliness can morph into feelings of rejection and low self-esteem, and as a child it can feel overwhelming and lead to depression.  I'm not sure I was depressed as an adolescent, but I was very lonely and I most certainly felt rejected.  Friends were very hard to come by.  Even though I was quite athletic and started on all the sports teams, I still carried the nerd card.  And while I tried desperately to fit in, I was very conflicted in my spirit.  Behaving in a way that would allow me to be accepted by my peers was in direct violation to how God was calling me to live.

Thankfully, my parents stepped in and put me in a Christian High School.  It wasn't all roses, but there were plenty of other kids like me and I finally didn't feel so lonely.  I also didn't have to compromise my beliefs in order to fit in.  (However it should be noted, that Christian schools are by no means perfect, and not all students who attend them are Christians.)  After high school, I went to college where once again loneliness started to take over.  As an 18 year old, I finally looked around and realized that loneliness was going to be a part of my life.  Because, the truth is: there are very few genuine Christians in the world.  People can say they are Christians.  They might go to church, sing praise songs, and read their Bibles, but actions don't make you a Christian.  True Christians have been reborn in Christ.  They are a new Creation and they are in the minority.

I have come to accept loneliness as a small part of my life.  I also teach my children to expect to be lonely at times.  After all, being a Christian and living a Christian life automatically puts you at odds with the world.  We are the exception not the norm.  We could choose to only surround ourselves with genuine Christians, but then we wouldn't be salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16).  God has called us to be different and to experience bouts of loneliness in this world.

But the truth is, even if  the world was only filled with genuine Christians, I'm confident I would still feel the pangs of loneliness.  Because there is a part of me that longs for something more - to know God and be known by Him.  While we may feel alone among humanity, we actually are never alone.  God is with us, and He promised to never leave us or forsake us.

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”  (Hebrews 13:5b-6 NIV)

Our loneliness causes us to long for Christ and His return. If we never felt lonely, would we ever truly understand our need for Christ?  No one likes to feel alone.  I don't particularly enjoy it.  I have very few friends, and while my family fills some of the void, the rest of the void belongs squarely to God.  I long for Him.  I run after Him.  In my inability to find a comfortable fit in this world, I find complete acceptance and peace in God's hands.  I am lonely, but I am not alone.  Certainly there are welcoming kind people at church, plenty of social activities to keep me busy, and my children never actually let me have a minute to myself, but the feeling of loneliness still lingers.  It ebbs and flows and is a constant reminder that I am a temporary resident of this world (1 Peter 2:11).

I have learned that loneliness isn't so much of a curse as it is a reminder that I belong to Christ.  I need Him.  There is a part of me that will never be satisfied until He returns and that sits well with me.  In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Death and the Periodic Table

I recently read an article by Oliver Sacks about how in his last days on this earth, he is finding comfort in the Periodic Table.  Strange?  Perhaps.  But what few of you may know, is that I carry an orange laminated Periodic Table with me wherever I go.  It resembles a credit card in size and is stacked among some of them in my wallet as though it carries equal weight.  I guess this makes me an official card carrying nerd, but I've come to accept that I'm a little different.

Oliver Sacks and I have little in common, except that we both love numbers and find some comfort in them.  I am not nearly as intelligent as he is, nor am I as gifted.  However, I am fascinated by the order and complexities of this world and love learning as much as I can.  In fact, I'm sure Dr. Sacks could teach me quite a bit and I would enjoy soaking it all in.  He is a very smart man and I am saddened that he is suffering from terminal cancer.

But I am even more saddened that his only comfort is in numbers and a table of elements thrown together by man.  Really?  Is that all there is to life?  What a depressing thought to near death and only have numbers to cling to.  I too find comfort in numbers, but it pales in comparison to the love and salvation that can only come from a relationship with Jesus Christ!

This got me thinking a bit about how many people inside the church and outside the church cling to their periodic tables.  Yes, I realize that very very few of us have literal periodic tables that we carry around, but most of us turn to something other than Christ for comfort.  It could be alcohol, media, shopping, or shallow fleeting relationships.  True comfort and security is only found in knowing and being known by the Creator and Savior of the universe - the One who holds eternity in His hands.  Do you have a deep personal relationship with Jesus?  Is it a relationship that extends beyond church and reading your Bible?  I love my husband deeply, but I love my Savior even more.  Does your relationship with God transcend all that you say and do?  I hope so.  Because one day we will all find ourselves facing death, and when we do, my only comfort will come from Christ who will hold my hand as I transition from this life into eternity with Him.

My Giant

Our little 2 year old Annie might be the reincarnation of Cindy Lou Whoo (from “The Grinch”), except with a tad bit more spice.  At a whopping 25 lbs, she tops out at the 4^th percentile of all girls her age.  But she can talk a mile a minute and always lets you know where you stand with her.  Perhaps, her personality is best summed up by the story her 4 year old brother told to all the other children at the McDonald’s play place one day.  Ben announced to the kids who gathered around - staring at tiny Annie, her long eye lashes, and her captivating grin - “This is my sister Annie.  I know she’s cute, but don’t get too close.  She bites!” 

That’s our Annie, cute as cute can be.  She loves to sing and dance. She’s absolutely adorable, but has a feisty personality and a vocabulary that rivals children 5 times her age.  The other thing you should know about her, is that she loves loves loves her daddy.  They have a close relationship.  They have a favorite book, and a favorite song, and even nicknames for each other.  Their bond is very unique and exceptionally personal.  One day as she was examining their relationship, she came to the realization that she was very tiny and Dad was quite big.  Ready to announce her new found conclusion, she went and found her daddy and said, “Dad!  Look down!”  He saw her and picked her up.  With a grin and definitive tone she said, “Daddy, you’re my giant!”

It is undeniable that the two of them are bonded in a unique personal way.  In fact, Derik said one day, if there were 100 men who looked exactly like me and talked exactly like me in a huge gymnasium, and Annie was standing there facing us, I have no doubt that she would find me.  I asked him how he could be so sure, and he said, “Because I’d call her, ‘My Nanner New.’  None of the other fake dads would know that name.  She would hear me and come to me.”  It is true.  She would know him.  Even in the midst of so many imposters, she would know her Giant and she would run to him.

And so it is with true followers of Christ.  Being a Christian isn’t about a checklist of things to do or some sort of contract, as if we sign our name to the end of Revelation certifying that we read the Bible or believe parts of it.  And it isn’t about sending up requests and thank you notes to God in heaven disguised as random prayers throughout the day.  Many people claim to be followers of Christ, but real Christianity is about a personal intimate unique relationship with Jesus Christ.  

John 10:27 reads, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

Thank you, Derik, for being such a wonderful father and husband.  The deep personal relationship you have with your children is truly a reflection of Christ in your life.  You have shown our children a glimpse of what it is like to know their Father in Heaven and we are so blessed by you. 

Shootin' Hoops

A snippet of a conversation with a child who seems to like to sin:


Me: Basketball is a fun game isn't it?

Child: Yeah, I LOVE basketball.

Me: So if you were playing a basketball game with your team, would you ever think about taking the ball and going down to the other team's hoop to make a basket?

Child: No!  That would be ridiculous!  I would NEVER do that!

Me: I bet if you did that, your team would be mad at you.

Child: Yeah, they probably wouldn't want me to play with them.

Me: Did you know that in life there are two teams?  A team who does what is right and lives for God and a team who does not.  Do you love Jesus?

Child: Yes.

Me: Did you know that every time you sin, you are shooting baskets for the team who doesn't love Jesus?  How do you think that make's Jesus and His team feel?

Child: I don't do that.  It is just that other people bother me and they make me do what is wrong.

Me: So if someone on your team doesn't do what you want them to do, does that mean you get to take the ball and play for the other team.

Child: No, I already told you, I would never do that.

Me: But that IS what you are doing.  Every time you sin, that is your choice. Nobody else makes you sin. You choose to go play for the other team and leave your team behind.  That is why your team gets angry with you.  You can't pretend to be on Jesus' team and go play for the other team.  You have to make up your mind.  You cannot play for both teams.  I know sometimes it is hard and we don't always FEEL like doing what is right.  But we don't live our lives based upon our feelings.  We must have self-control.  Remember, it is one of the fruits of the spirit.

Child: I'm NOT singing the song.  (He's referring to the song about the fruits of the spirit.)

Me: That's fine.  But every time you sin (and I list a few of the instances where he sins frequently), I'm going to ask you, "Who are you shootin' hoops for?"  Okay? It will be our secret phrase.  I don't want you to behave simply because you might get into trouble.  I want you to do what is right and good so that others know whose team you are on.  No one wants to play basketball with a guy who keeps making shots for the other team.


To a child, sin isn't really a big deal.  Unfortunately many adults feel the same way.  Ironically, shooting baskets for the opposing team is a huge deal and creates a visual children can relate to.  I hope that as children grow up they begin to see sin for what it is and decide to forsake sin because it is wrong - not simply because they will get in trouble.  This is not an easy lesson to teach.

The Elderly

I love elderly people - deeply.  Perhaps it is because I was blessed to be the granddaughter of the best elderly people in the world.  My grandparents were some of the brightest reflections of Christ in my life.  Now that they are gone, I still have fond memories of talking to them late at night, listening to their words of wisdom, and gaining insight from the long lives they lived.  Older people are easy for me to love.

But as I look around our community and beyond, I am saddened by the way many of the elderly are treated.  Instead of considering it a privilege to sit and learn from generations gone before, their company is frequently viewed as a burden and something to be avoided.  Who has time for Grandma anymore?  Grandpa can't relate to the way the world is today!  Why would we waste our time to listen to the same story told over and over again?  Maybe their mental capacity is so diminished that their value to other people is viewed as minimal.

Some older people are lovely and mentally fit, others are cranky and suffering.  It is true that older people have often made the beds they lie in today.  Horrible parents breed self centered adults who ultimately only care about their own desires and neglect their aging parents.  But that isn't always the case.  As I think about our aging family members and neighbors, I can't help but think about how much they need love.  Just as a young child desires security, love, physical touch, and company, so do those who are nearing the end or their lives.

There is something unique about long lives lived here on earth.  Genesis 3:19 (Jewish Bible) reads, "You will eat bread by the sweat of your forehead till you return to the ground — for you were taken out of it: you are dust, and you will return to dust."  As people age, we visually see their bodies decay.  We are reminded that our bodies are mortal - from dust they came, and to dust they will return.  But the spirit - that is something completely different!  It will live on for eternity.  Caring for the elderly is more than taking care of their physical needs, it is caring form them emotionally and spiritually as well.  Just because their bodies are breaking down, doesn't mean their souls are any less valuable.  As Christians, we must care for them, body, mind, and spirit.  From the moment of conception to their very last breath, God loves that person, no matter their age.  We should too.  Love is more than words and feelings.  It is sacrificial in nature and unconditional.  Caring for the elderly isn't an option, it is a necessity, and we should strive to care for them in a way that brings honor to God.

James 1:27 (Jewish Bible) The religious observance that God the Father considers pure and faultless is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being contaminated by the world.

Too Many Children

"You know where those come from, don't you?"  *wink* *wink*

"So how many fathers do your kids have?"

"That's just irresponsible."

"Wow!  You have a lot of kids.  Did you give birth to them all?"

These are a few of the sayings which have been thrown my way, usually in front of my children (but not my husband) over the past year.  I have pretty thick skin, and sometimes a sharp tongue, so none of these comments sit too deeply.  But when I ask these commenters questions like, "How many siblings did you have?" I find it interesting that frequently they come from families with 4 or more children.  Interesting how in one generation, maybe two, the family size has taken a nose dive.

I'm not exactly sure why parents are no longer having a lot of children.  There is plenty of speculation: divorce, selfishness, career choices, dislike for children, cultural pressures, etc.  No one can really pin point the exact reason family size is shrinking.  However, in light of the shift against families with more than 3 children, I'd like to highlight the positives.

1) My children are forced to learn to share.  No one gets their own room forever.  No one gets to play the computer, video games, or watch TV all day.  No one gets their way all the time.  Everyone has to learn to compromise because we simply don't have the resources to please everyone all the time.  When someone wants to watch a movie, they have to find a movie that works for everyone.  I hope this will help to make them better spouses and parents, because in life we simply don't get our way all the time, nor should we.

2) My children learn to work.  Yes, my house is messy most of the time.  However, every child has to pitch in every day.  They learn from a young age that there is a lot of work to be done and we all have to work together to accomplish it.  The young ones might not sweep the floor perfectly, but they must work up to their own ability.  If you try to slide, another child is going to rat you out because no one wants to have to pick up the slack simply because you don't feel like working that day.  This too, is a good lesson in life.

3) My children have to learn to accept, live with, and love different personalities.  Every child in this family has a unique personality.  One is a stinker, another is overly joyful.  One talks incessantly, another hardly says a word.  One is extremely serious, another jokes around constantly.  God made people of all sorts of personalities and we have to learn to not only live with one another but love them for who they are.

4) My children practice forgiveness.  Lest you think it is all roses around here, every day one child is angry at another child for one reason or another.  But, the angry child isn't leaving nor is the object of that child's wrath.  Problems have to be worked through, feelings have to be appropriately expressed, and forgiveness has to be given.  After all, we must all live in the same house and it isn't okay to hold grudges.  Every day is a new day and a fresh start.  In life, you don't get to pick your co-workers so you might as well learn to get along and forgive the people God has put around you.

5) My children practice patience.  Yes, the baby calls for Isaac more than he calls for me (Mom) because Isaac will get to him faster than I will.  I'm busy and can't drop everything every time a child wants me.  In a world that promotes instant gratification, a household brimming with children pretty much puts a kibosh on that idea.  We all have to wait our turn and learn how to wait patiently.  No one gets what they want immediately, but everyone will be cared for and loved.  If Mom can't get there in a timely fashion, the older children step up to the plate.  Needs are always met.  Wants are often met.  Just as God doesn't give us exactly what we want when we want it, so it goes in our house.  Patience is a virtue learned early with lots of siblings.

So, random stranger, the next time you feel like hurling insults my way, you might just get a list of 5 reasons why I completely disagree with your assessment of our family.