Today Susie and I braved the storm to get groceries. It was horrible out! I thought the weather was supposed to improve as the day went on. At one point, we even saw glimpses of the sun, but it was all very misleading.
Once we got to Meijer, I was certain things would improve. We got our groceries, checked out, loaded up our cart and headed out the door. As soon as the large doors flew open to the parking lot we were greeted by a gushing wind. It blew a box off the bottom of our cart and into the pathway of cars. I rescued the box and tried to keep Susie safe at the same time. The cart was extremely hard to push because of all the snow. Susie tried to help me push it when the box blew off again and now bottles and cans were rolling away. Once again, I collected my groceries when another bag blew away. By now, I had become the amusement of the parking lot crowd. I think if people had noticed that I was nearly 9 months pregnant, maybe they would have helped me out a bit. Unfortunately, more people thought it was entertaining than took pity on me. I did explain to one couple who chuckled when an empty bag blew away that I didn't run after it because I was very pregnant - hoping they'd understand rather than judge me for accidentally littering.
Finally we got to the car. Susie was very concerned about the groceries and me. She wanted to help, but I needed her in the car where I knew she was safe. At 9 degrees Farenhiet, even if cars wanted to stop on the icy parking lot, they couldn't. I was huffing and puffing. The weather was getting worse and to top if off, we weren't done getting groceries. We had to go to the other Meijer across town to get items that weren't available at this store.
The weather continued to get worse as we filled our cart at the second store. Thankfully it wasn't too difficult getting through the store because most people decided to stay home instead of risk life and limb on the roads. After we checked out, we paused to bundle up and exit the store. As I was zipping Susie's coat, she looked up at me and said, "Don't worry Mama, I prayed. We'll be okay in the parking lot this time."
I could write a lot more. But I think this story speaks for itself. Being a Christian isn't about going through the rituals of attending church, praying, tithing, or doing other Christian things. Being a Christian is all about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ - our Creator, Rescuer, and God. Certainly, I want my children to follow rules, obey, and make good choices. But most of all, I want their hearts to be completely devoted to Jesus. No amount of ritual could come close to having an intimate relationship with the Savior - for that is the reason that we were created. That is the purpose of our existence.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Raising Warriors
I know this post was supposed to write about Santa, Jesus, and teaching truth to our kids. But an unexpected topic caught me off guard this week, and since were about to have another boy I thought it would be fitting to talk about raising boys.
Some people think that you can and should treat boys and girls the same as they grow up. I have found that it is difficult to treat even two boys or two girls the same. Every child has a unique personality, unique gifts, and unique weaknesses. But as I interact with my children, even at a very young age, I always have their future in mind.
In many ways, I am very disappointed with the current state of American society. I was watching a conservative media program the other day and the hosts kept stating that we just need more marriage in America. Really? More marriage? Actually, from what I've observed we have plenty of marriages and then divorces and then more marriages and subsequent divorces! American marriages seem to be flippant, based upon emotion, and easily discarded. But is it because people aren't giving marriage a go? No. I'd argue that it is because people get married to get something for themselves instead of giving themselves to their spouse and to their family unit. Selfishness rots relationships.
I also get pretty irked when I hear people who have wonderful marriages lecture others who are suffering in their marriages. I've heard that you just need to trust God more, love God more, surrender more, etc. etc. etc. and God will save your marriage. Usually this comes from people who are in a loving healthy relationship. Having been in a terrible horrible unloving first marriage where my husband cheated on me from the moment we said "I do" I probably have a little bit more empathy for people enduring depressing and even abusive marriages. And to be honest, after my divorce, I really had no idea what all this good marriage rhetoric was about. Why do I bring up marriage when what I'm supposed to be writing about is raising boys? Well because, there are stark differences between the men I married. My first husband, though he made himself a pastor during our marriage, lived life for himself and was a perpetrator. My forever husband is a warrior for Christ and my protector.
Another dichotomy of men that has caught my attention occurs in human trafficking. Generally it is men that enslave women and children and also perpetrate crimes against them. However, there is a group of men, many of them former special ops in the military, that go in and rescue children who have been brutally stolen and raped. We see the difference again between the perpetrator and the protector. What is it about some men that feed their selfish evil desires at the expense of others? And what is it that drives other men to put their lives on the line not only to protect their own families, but to leave the safety of their homes and sometimes their country to rescue women and children who have no other hope? You see, I think about this as I raise my boys. I don't want to just grow my boys up into men, I want them to develop into warriors - warriors for Christ who will follow Him no matter where He leads.
Given my personal experiences in marriage and the huge differentiation between perpetrators and protectors in the male gender, I have purposed in my heart and life to raise not boys, not men, but warriors. I want each and every one of my boys to have a warrior's heart. So what is a warrior?
Well, if you ask Ben, he's already a warrior. At 3, he thinks he rules the world. Saturday mornings they are allowed to watch cartoons. So, EVERY morning, he comes in bright and early, wakes me up, and asks if he can watch cartoons. I usually respond, "It isn't Saturday." He leaves, then comes back and says, "I decided today is Saturday." It was funny the first time, maybe even the second time it happened, but now it is really old! Tonight he decided it was his birthday - even though it wasn't, and then demanded a party immediately. Benjamin fears very little. He oozes self confidence and if you ask him, he'll declare he is a warrior! But this isn't really the kind of warrior I want to raise. Though I will say, he's got the personality of a leader and he isn't short on conviction.
Isaac is a boy who was awarded the "Justice Award" in kindergarten for his ability to discern between right and wrong. I think secretly this meant he was a tattle tale, but it is true, that boy is very concerned with truth and obedience...most of the time. When we hit double digits, things got a little foggy, but I'm confident that it will all straighten out.
Gabe on the other hand is absolutely hilarious. He's awesome at organizing games at McDonalds' play places and seems oblivious to insults from his peers. He's kind to others (most of the time) and seems to feel a deep responsibility to protect his sisters - unless he's the one getting on them! :)
And Joshua, who is to be born in just a few weeks, is our final warrior. We've actually been waiting for this baby for about 4 years. Somehow we knew he was coming, we just didn't know when. In the womb, he always makes his presence known. You cannot touch my belly without him giving you a kick. I'm not sure how God has formed his personality yet, but I know he has a great purpose in life.
Given all these different boys and their personalities, how do I train them to be warriors? I'm not really sure. Each day I try something new. Sometimes my teachings seem to take hold, sometimes they fall flat. But these are the goals I have for my boys.
1) Lead - but know how to take orders. One thing I have learned from my husband and his stories is that he had a lot of responsibility as an artillery officer in the Army. He had to lead many men and give orders. But he also had to take a few - even if he disagreed, because you do what your told. Derik is a natural born leader. He knows how to motivate different personalities and how to get the best out of his men. On the other hand, I hear him complain (even today) that some of the things that come down the chain of command are ... well ... not what he would do! Isn't that how it is in our spiritual life too? Men are to be the leaders in their homes, not just physical leaders, but spiritual leaders. And in order to lead you've got to be out front. You can't lead from behind! Knowing God, loving God, having a relationship with God, and studying the word is absolutely imperative if you want to be the spiritual leader in your home. You also need to know how to take orders from God, even if you don't like it! Our boys need to have a real relationship with God from a young age so that they can be strong spiritual leaders in their homes. They also need to obey their parents, because one day, we're going to be out of the equation and they're going to have to obey God directly. Obedience doesn't come naturally, it has to be practiced.
2) Be Strong! - Army Strong..okay I added that part. But truthfully I'm a little put off by wimpy men. I love the fact that my husband is strong physically and that he takes good care of us. I know that he's a force to be reckoned with and that makes me feel safe. However, some people mistake anger for strength. Anger is actually weakness disguised as strength. An angry man is often out of control, reactive, and does more harm than good. A strong man not only has discipline over his body, but also his emotions. He can hold and protect a 4lb crying baby or he can knock out an intruder in our home. He has no problem using his strength to fight evil, but when his children disobey he tempers his strength and disciplines them accordingly. Our children don't fear that their dad will hurt them, ever. They do fear disappointing him. So while he's a large strong man, our children don't fear his strength, rather they fear letting him down (except for Ben, who at 3, feels that parents are just in the way and an unnecessary obstacle on his life's path).
3) Be Convicted - Every now and then I learn something new about my husband. Granted, these moments are fewer and farther between, but I'm typically impressed when I discover a side to him that I didn't know existed. Recently, we were discussing what charities we were going to give to this next year. Child trafficking has always weighed heavy on my heart. When I shared this with him and had a few charities in mind, he let me know how important it was to him too. And beyond that he gave me information about Operation Underground Railroad, which is a group of men who have specialized military training to raid smuggling rings around the world, rescue children, and take out these horrible men who abuse and use innocent lives. In America, we often turn a blind eye to the horrors of the sex trade. Sometimes we think it only happens in third world countries, but the truth is it is going on in our own towns. Yes, it happens here too. Often it is kept out of sight, but I have had girls in my class who have been sold for sex under the age of 12, and that isn't even the worst of it. I had no idea how strongly my husband felt about rescuing women and children until this past week. And it isn't just a feeling, he's willing to do something about it. Warriors don't just sit idly by hoping that someone else will do something, they step up to the plate, and take action. Their beliefs don't just linger between their ears, they manifest into actions! The strongest feelings don't save these enslaved children, it is the courage and conviction that drives these brave warriors to go into very dangerous places, take out bad men, and save children. I want my boys to grow up to be convicted warriors and do what is right when others just stand by.
4) Be Devoted - and loving. As I look at men who are true warriors, I'm always struck by not only their devotion to God, but also to their wives and families. I'm not a woman who requires much romance - if any, but I love that Derik is kind to me. He encourages me and compliments me. He hugs me and rubs my shoulders. And the boys have all seen this and do the same! Ben loves to rub my shoulders "just like daddy." Not only does Derik emulate how the boys should act, we also tell them directly how they should treat one another and how they should treat women. When a man treats his wife with kindness, love, gentleness, and sincerity, he brings out the best in his wife. Since most men have no clue how to treat a woman, it is imperative that boys are taught devotion at a young age.
5) Be Humble - No, you are not God's gift to mankind. In fact, you were created to serve God. Know your limitations and understand that your gifts come only from God. Keep your mouth shut. Listen more than you talk. Talk to God more than you talk to men. When you do speak, always think first. That old saying "Better for people to think your stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" might be fitting for this section. But truthfully, warriors know that they are only mere men enabled by God to do His work.
There are so many other qualities that differentiate boys from men and men from warriors. I've got a few other ideas running through my head as I type. And even though it may not seem like a warrior trait, fun is never in short supply at our home. As serious as I am, Derik is funny. Humor abounds. I don't teach this trait to my boys because they inherited it, and not from me!
All in all, I hope, and pray, and work diligently to help my boys be godly warriors who will become excellent spouses and servants of Christ. I want boys who will help to create healthy happy marriages and families. I also want boys who will not only fight for their own families, but for those who can't fight for themselves. I know that I fail daily and that my parenting techniques aren't perfect, but with the help of the Holy Spirit I am confident that these boys will be the warriors God created them to be.
Some people think that you can and should treat boys and girls the same as they grow up. I have found that it is difficult to treat even two boys or two girls the same. Every child has a unique personality, unique gifts, and unique weaknesses. But as I interact with my children, even at a very young age, I always have their future in mind.
In many ways, I am very disappointed with the current state of American society. I was watching a conservative media program the other day and the hosts kept stating that we just need more marriage in America. Really? More marriage? Actually, from what I've observed we have plenty of marriages and then divorces and then more marriages and subsequent divorces! American marriages seem to be flippant, based upon emotion, and easily discarded. But is it because people aren't giving marriage a go? No. I'd argue that it is because people get married to get something for themselves instead of giving themselves to their spouse and to their family unit. Selfishness rots relationships.
I also get pretty irked when I hear people who have wonderful marriages lecture others who are suffering in their marriages. I've heard that you just need to trust God more, love God more, surrender more, etc. etc. etc. and God will save your marriage. Usually this comes from people who are in a loving healthy relationship. Having been in a terrible horrible unloving first marriage where my husband cheated on me from the moment we said "I do" I probably have a little bit more empathy for people enduring depressing and even abusive marriages. And to be honest, after my divorce, I really had no idea what all this good marriage rhetoric was about. Why do I bring up marriage when what I'm supposed to be writing about is raising boys? Well because, there are stark differences between the men I married. My first husband, though he made himself a pastor during our marriage, lived life for himself and was a perpetrator. My forever husband is a warrior for Christ and my protector.
Another dichotomy of men that has caught my attention occurs in human trafficking. Generally it is men that enslave women and children and also perpetrate crimes against them. However, there is a group of men, many of them former special ops in the military, that go in and rescue children who have been brutally stolen and raped. We see the difference again between the perpetrator and the protector. What is it about some men that feed their selfish evil desires at the expense of others? And what is it that drives other men to put their lives on the line not only to protect their own families, but to leave the safety of their homes and sometimes their country to rescue women and children who have no other hope? You see, I think about this as I raise my boys. I don't want to just grow my boys up into men, I want them to develop into warriors - warriors for Christ who will follow Him no matter where He leads.
Given my personal experiences in marriage and the huge differentiation between perpetrators and protectors in the male gender, I have purposed in my heart and life to raise not boys, not men, but warriors. I want each and every one of my boys to have a warrior's heart. So what is a warrior?
Well, if you ask Ben, he's already a warrior. At 3, he thinks he rules the world. Saturday mornings they are allowed to watch cartoons. So, EVERY morning, he comes in bright and early, wakes me up, and asks if he can watch cartoons. I usually respond, "It isn't Saturday." He leaves, then comes back and says, "I decided today is Saturday." It was funny the first time, maybe even the second time it happened, but now it is really old! Tonight he decided it was his birthday - even though it wasn't, and then demanded a party immediately. Benjamin fears very little. He oozes self confidence and if you ask him, he'll declare he is a warrior! But this isn't really the kind of warrior I want to raise. Though I will say, he's got the personality of a leader and he isn't short on conviction.
Isaac is a boy who was awarded the "Justice Award" in kindergarten for his ability to discern between right and wrong. I think secretly this meant he was a tattle tale, but it is true, that boy is very concerned with truth and obedience...most of the time. When we hit double digits, things got a little foggy, but I'm confident that it will all straighten out.
Gabe on the other hand is absolutely hilarious. He's awesome at organizing games at McDonalds' play places and seems oblivious to insults from his peers. He's kind to others (most of the time) and seems to feel a deep responsibility to protect his sisters - unless he's the one getting on them! :)
And Joshua, who is to be born in just a few weeks, is our final warrior. We've actually been waiting for this baby for about 4 years. Somehow we knew he was coming, we just didn't know when. In the womb, he always makes his presence known. You cannot touch my belly without him giving you a kick. I'm not sure how God has formed his personality yet, but I know he has a great purpose in life.
Given all these different boys and their personalities, how do I train them to be warriors? I'm not really sure. Each day I try something new. Sometimes my teachings seem to take hold, sometimes they fall flat. But these are the goals I have for my boys.
1) Lead - but know how to take orders. One thing I have learned from my husband and his stories is that he had a lot of responsibility as an artillery officer in the Army. He had to lead many men and give orders. But he also had to take a few - even if he disagreed, because you do what your told. Derik is a natural born leader. He knows how to motivate different personalities and how to get the best out of his men. On the other hand, I hear him complain (even today) that some of the things that come down the chain of command are ... well ... not what he would do! Isn't that how it is in our spiritual life too? Men are to be the leaders in their homes, not just physical leaders, but spiritual leaders. And in order to lead you've got to be out front. You can't lead from behind! Knowing God, loving God, having a relationship with God, and studying the word is absolutely imperative if you want to be the spiritual leader in your home. You also need to know how to take orders from God, even if you don't like it! Our boys need to have a real relationship with God from a young age so that they can be strong spiritual leaders in their homes. They also need to obey their parents, because one day, we're going to be out of the equation and they're going to have to obey God directly. Obedience doesn't come naturally, it has to be practiced.
2) Be Strong! - Army Strong..okay I added that part. But truthfully I'm a little put off by wimpy men. I love the fact that my husband is strong physically and that he takes good care of us. I know that he's a force to be reckoned with and that makes me feel safe. However, some people mistake anger for strength. Anger is actually weakness disguised as strength. An angry man is often out of control, reactive, and does more harm than good. A strong man not only has discipline over his body, but also his emotions. He can hold and protect a 4lb crying baby or he can knock out an intruder in our home. He has no problem using his strength to fight evil, but when his children disobey he tempers his strength and disciplines them accordingly. Our children don't fear that their dad will hurt them, ever. They do fear disappointing him. So while he's a large strong man, our children don't fear his strength, rather they fear letting him down (except for Ben, who at 3, feels that parents are just in the way and an unnecessary obstacle on his life's path).
3) Be Convicted - Every now and then I learn something new about my husband. Granted, these moments are fewer and farther between, but I'm typically impressed when I discover a side to him that I didn't know existed. Recently, we were discussing what charities we were going to give to this next year. Child trafficking has always weighed heavy on my heart. When I shared this with him and had a few charities in mind, he let me know how important it was to him too. And beyond that he gave me information about Operation Underground Railroad, which is a group of men who have specialized military training to raid smuggling rings around the world, rescue children, and take out these horrible men who abuse and use innocent lives. In America, we often turn a blind eye to the horrors of the sex trade. Sometimes we think it only happens in third world countries, but the truth is it is going on in our own towns. Yes, it happens here too. Often it is kept out of sight, but I have had girls in my class who have been sold for sex under the age of 12, and that isn't even the worst of it. I had no idea how strongly my husband felt about rescuing women and children until this past week. And it isn't just a feeling, he's willing to do something about it. Warriors don't just sit idly by hoping that someone else will do something, they step up to the plate, and take action. Their beliefs don't just linger between their ears, they manifest into actions! The strongest feelings don't save these enslaved children, it is the courage and conviction that drives these brave warriors to go into very dangerous places, take out bad men, and save children. I want my boys to grow up to be convicted warriors and do what is right when others just stand by.
4) Be Devoted - and loving. As I look at men who are true warriors, I'm always struck by not only their devotion to God, but also to their wives and families. I'm not a woman who requires much romance - if any, but I love that Derik is kind to me. He encourages me and compliments me. He hugs me and rubs my shoulders. And the boys have all seen this and do the same! Ben loves to rub my shoulders "just like daddy." Not only does Derik emulate how the boys should act, we also tell them directly how they should treat one another and how they should treat women. When a man treats his wife with kindness, love, gentleness, and sincerity, he brings out the best in his wife. Since most men have no clue how to treat a woman, it is imperative that boys are taught devotion at a young age.
5) Be Humble - No, you are not God's gift to mankind. In fact, you were created to serve God. Know your limitations and understand that your gifts come only from God. Keep your mouth shut. Listen more than you talk. Talk to God more than you talk to men. When you do speak, always think first. That old saying "Better for people to think your stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" might be fitting for this section. But truthfully, warriors know that they are only mere men enabled by God to do His work.
There are so many other qualities that differentiate boys from men and men from warriors. I've got a few other ideas running through my head as I type. And even though it may not seem like a warrior trait, fun is never in short supply at our home. As serious as I am, Derik is funny. Humor abounds. I don't teach this trait to my boys because they inherited it, and not from me!
All in all, I hope, and pray, and work diligently to help my boys be godly warriors who will become excellent spouses and servants of Christ. I want boys who will help to create healthy happy marriages and families. I also want boys who will not only fight for their own families, but for those who can't fight for themselves. I know that I fail daily and that my parenting techniques aren't perfect, but with the help of the Holy Spirit I am confident that these boys will be the warriors God created them to be.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Teaching Children Discernment
"Hey Dad. We're winners!" exclaims Gabe (6 years old).
"You bet we are!" affirms the largest male in our home.
Now, if I don't speak up, we'll never know where this thought came from. And if I can't figure out why my children think the way they do, I'll never be able to teach them.
.
Reluctantly I ask, "Gabe, why are you winners?" while simultaneously giving Derik the evil eye to keep his smart mouth shut! :)
"Well, we eat Subway, so that makes us winners!"
Ahhh, and now the truth comes out. Advertising is affecting the way my children process information. Actually, I've known this for some time and have constantly told the children that most commercials lie to them. I applaud them when they can pick out the lies, and now they're pretty good at it. A brief discussion ensued regarding what really makes a person a winner and it has nothing to do with what we eat, but who we are in Christ. Did I really have a conversation like this with my 6 year old? You bet I did. Does he understand everything I say? Probably not, but it is better to start young than too late. And truth be told, our children understand much more than we give them credit for.
Side note on how much children really understand: Ben was playing with a toy on the floor. Annie (18 months) kept bugging him trying to take his toy. I told him to play with it up high at the table. He moved. She got a stool so she could reach his toy. He got frustrated so I told him to take it to his room and close his door so she couldn't get to him. Before he could even begin to climb down, she jumped off the stool ran down the highway to his room and sat on his bed. So, lest you think children can only understand as much as they can communicate, let this be a lesson that they can understand much much more.
So, back to the commercials. All of my kids are pretty good at picking out lies. "That toy isn't really the best or most fun." "Mama, did they just lie to me? Will I be the coolest kid if I have that?" "Is that cheeseburger really good for us? Isn't it junk food?" Etc, etc, etc. It may seem silly, but actually teaching your children to pick out the lies on commercials is really good practice in discernment. First of all there are PLENTY of lies to choose from. No one's feelings get hurt, and it provides a lot of good conversation about what is truth and why the commercials are lying to you. I actually have a power point of misleading commercials I used in my math classes to teach my students how to read graphs and data carefully. Because, even intelligent adults are frequently mislead when they don't think carefully and use discernment.
Moving on from commercials, we have to understand that even "harmless" cartoons require discernment. I wrote a while ago about a song on a cartoon that really bothered me. I'm sure you can find it in one of my earlier blogs (found it! March 2013) , but you'd be surprised how frequently our children are "brainwashed" into believing things that simply aren't true. For instance, recently Lalaloopsey referred to Christmas as "Joyful Holiday." One of the other girly cartoons called Christmas carols, "holiday carols," and even another cartoon referred to Christmas as "Falalala Day." So we had a conversation and discussion about why Christmas exists. Then I asked my children how they would feel if I decided that their birthdays were now my holidays and on each of their birthdays I was going to focus on myself and throw a party for myself. You see, renaming a Christian celebration may seem harmless, but truthfully there is a lot of danger and sin when we try to replace Christ and push Him to the side. It isn't enough to tell children that it is wrong to call Christmas a "winter holiday" but they need to "discover" for themselves why it is so wrong. Children don't base a lot of their decisions on truth and knowledge, but rather on feeling. Babies cry when they feel hungry, wet, and tired. As we grow older, our behavior and decisions should be based less on feeling and more on truth. However, as parents we need to understand that children's feelings still drive a majority of their decisions and should be highly considered when we teach them. So while I may tell my children that taking Christ out of Christmas is wrong, they need to feel that it is wrong if I want to make a lasting impression. Putting them in the position of "losing" their birthdays brings a whole new perspective and further embeds the lesson into their minds.
Beyond media, I also try to make a preemptive strike when it comes to big future decisions. Tonight at the dinner table Susie asked when she's older, if Daddy and I would be the Grandma and Grandpa, and also if she could bring her children to visit. We said absolutely! Derik volunteered to be the Grandpa - fitting as he'd never miss a moment to interject humor, even if the kids don't pick up on it. But we did use the conversation to talk about picking out our spouses. What do we look for in a husband or a wife? What is the most important factor? Yes, I know our oldest is only 10, but like I said before, I'd rather start these conversations early rather than late. This way in the teenage years, not one of my children will be surprised when we are STILL having conversations about suitable mates. We talked about how finding someone who loves Jesus is the most important. We made the distinction between just saying you love God and loving Jesus. We talked about how the world thinks that being pretty is the most important or that you have to find someone who makes you feel good right away when you're young. Derik and I talked about how old we were when we got married and that it is okay to wait until you find the right person. It is better to wait and feel a little bit lonely than to get married too quickly to the wrong person. Will they remember these conversations in the future? I'm sure they won't. In fact, tomorrow it will be the furthest thing from their minds. But it is important to teach your children to think and be discerning. It is important to have these conversations from a young age so that as they get older you already have established the connection with your children and they expect that you'll keep talking about all of these important issues.
However, being discerning isn't always popular. We frequently hear the phrase "Who are you to judge?" No one likes it when someone disagrees with them and then quotes the Bible to boot! Just recently, I saw a post on facebook proclaiming that all Christians were idiots because they couldn't think for themselves. The writer said Christians just believed what they read in the Bible and were blind followers. Actually, I think the person was ticked off because Christians believe in absolute truth. We believe in being accountable to a Higher Authority, God. We don't believe that truth sways with the wind, but rather stands firm and is written for eternity in the Word of God. Further more, we believe that our actions should always be measured against it. We have a set standard. It is actually impossible to be discerning if you don't have a standard. It would be impossible to know what is right or wrong if God Himself didn't lay it out for us. The world doesn't want discernment. They want to feel good all the time about everything. What may be right for one person, isn't right for another, and everyone gets to set his or her own standards. Unfortunately, what may feel good to one person can be extremely hurtful to another. Being discerning doesn't come naturally to humanity. Being selfish and running after things that make us feel good is common to children, but it should not be the way adults operate.
It is imperative that we teach our children to be discerning - that there is a right and wrong - that Truth is found in the Word of God. Children will not reach these conclusions on their own and they won't learn to be discerning without guidance. Teaching discernment to our children should start from a very young age, because if you wait until they are 15 to try to impart this wisdom, it may be too late. If you're not sure where to begin - commercials are a fun place to start for everyone! :)
"You bet we are!" affirms the largest male in our home.
Now, if I don't speak up, we'll never know where this thought came from. And if I can't figure out why my children think the way they do, I'll never be able to teach them.
.
Reluctantly I ask, "Gabe, why are you winners?" while simultaneously giving Derik the evil eye to keep his smart mouth shut! :)
"Well, we eat Subway, so that makes us winners!"
Ahhh, and now the truth comes out. Advertising is affecting the way my children process information. Actually, I've known this for some time and have constantly told the children that most commercials lie to them. I applaud them when they can pick out the lies, and now they're pretty good at it. A brief discussion ensued regarding what really makes a person a winner and it has nothing to do with what we eat, but who we are in Christ. Did I really have a conversation like this with my 6 year old? You bet I did. Does he understand everything I say? Probably not, but it is better to start young than too late. And truth be told, our children understand much more than we give them credit for.
Side note on how much children really understand: Ben was playing with a toy on the floor. Annie (18 months) kept bugging him trying to take his toy. I told him to play with it up high at the table. He moved. She got a stool so she could reach his toy. He got frustrated so I told him to take it to his room and close his door so she couldn't get to him. Before he could even begin to climb down, she jumped off the stool ran down the highway to his room and sat on his bed. So, lest you think children can only understand as much as they can communicate, let this be a lesson that they can understand much much more.
So, back to the commercials. All of my kids are pretty good at picking out lies. "That toy isn't really the best or most fun." "Mama, did they just lie to me? Will I be the coolest kid if I have that?" "Is that cheeseburger really good for us? Isn't it junk food?" Etc, etc, etc. It may seem silly, but actually teaching your children to pick out the lies on commercials is really good practice in discernment. First of all there are PLENTY of lies to choose from. No one's feelings get hurt, and it provides a lot of good conversation about what is truth and why the commercials are lying to you. I actually have a power point of misleading commercials I used in my math classes to teach my students how to read graphs and data carefully. Because, even intelligent adults are frequently mislead when they don't think carefully and use discernment.
Moving on from commercials, we have to understand that even "harmless" cartoons require discernment. I wrote a while ago about a song on a cartoon that really bothered me. I'm sure you can find it in one of my earlier blogs (found it! March 2013) , but you'd be surprised how frequently our children are "brainwashed" into believing things that simply aren't true. For instance, recently Lalaloopsey referred to Christmas as "Joyful Holiday." One of the other girly cartoons called Christmas carols, "holiday carols," and even another cartoon referred to Christmas as "Falalala Day." So we had a conversation and discussion about why Christmas exists. Then I asked my children how they would feel if I decided that their birthdays were now my holidays and on each of their birthdays I was going to focus on myself and throw a party for myself. You see, renaming a Christian celebration may seem harmless, but truthfully there is a lot of danger and sin when we try to replace Christ and push Him to the side. It isn't enough to tell children that it is wrong to call Christmas a "winter holiday" but they need to "discover" for themselves why it is so wrong. Children don't base a lot of their decisions on truth and knowledge, but rather on feeling. Babies cry when they feel hungry, wet, and tired. As we grow older, our behavior and decisions should be based less on feeling and more on truth. However, as parents we need to understand that children's feelings still drive a majority of their decisions and should be highly considered when we teach them. So while I may tell my children that taking Christ out of Christmas is wrong, they need to feel that it is wrong if I want to make a lasting impression. Putting them in the position of "losing" their birthdays brings a whole new perspective and further embeds the lesson into their minds.
Beyond media, I also try to make a preemptive strike when it comes to big future decisions. Tonight at the dinner table Susie asked when she's older, if Daddy and I would be the Grandma and Grandpa, and also if she could bring her children to visit. We said absolutely! Derik volunteered to be the Grandpa - fitting as he'd never miss a moment to interject humor, even if the kids don't pick up on it. But we did use the conversation to talk about picking out our spouses. What do we look for in a husband or a wife? What is the most important factor? Yes, I know our oldest is only 10, but like I said before, I'd rather start these conversations early rather than late. This way in the teenage years, not one of my children will be surprised when we are STILL having conversations about suitable mates. We talked about how finding someone who loves Jesus is the most important. We made the distinction between just saying you love God and loving Jesus. We talked about how the world thinks that being pretty is the most important or that you have to find someone who makes you feel good right away when you're young. Derik and I talked about how old we were when we got married and that it is okay to wait until you find the right person. It is better to wait and feel a little bit lonely than to get married too quickly to the wrong person. Will they remember these conversations in the future? I'm sure they won't. In fact, tomorrow it will be the furthest thing from their minds. But it is important to teach your children to think and be discerning. It is important to have these conversations from a young age so that as they get older you already have established the connection with your children and they expect that you'll keep talking about all of these important issues.
However, being discerning isn't always popular. We frequently hear the phrase "Who are you to judge?" No one likes it when someone disagrees with them and then quotes the Bible to boot! Just recently, I saw a post on facebook proclaiming that all Christians were idiots because they couldn't think for themselves. The writer said Christians just believed what they read in the Bible and were blind followers. Actually, I think the person was ticked off because Christians believe in absolute truth. We believe in being accountable to a Higher Authority, God. We don't believe that truth sways with the wind, but rather stands firm and is written for eternity in the Word of God. Further more, we believe that our actions should always be measured against it. We have a set standard. It is actually impossible to be discerning if you don't have a standard. It would be impossible to know what is right or wrong if God Himself didn't lay it out for us. The world doesn't want discernment. They want to feel good all the time about everything. What may be right for one person, isn't right for another, and everyone gets to set his or her own standards. Unfortunately, what may feel good to one person can be extremely hurtful to another. Being discerning doesn't come naturally to humanity. Being selfish and running after things that make us feel good is common to children, but it should not be the way adults operate.
It is imperative that we teach our children to be discerning - that there is a right and wrong - that Truth is found in the Word of God. Children will not reach these conclusions on their own and they won't learn to be discerning without guidance. Teaching discernment to our children should start from a very young age, because if you wait until they are 15 to try to impart this wisdom, it may be too late. If you're not sure where to begin - commercials are a fun place to start for everyone! :)
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