Turn My Heart

Have you ever found yourself in an uncomfortable place?  A place where it feels downright unnatural to obey God?  I know I've said more than once, "I'll do it, but I don't want to and I'm not happy about it!"  I am probably too honest about my humanity when I talk with God.  I'm certain I am far from what He wants me to be, but I also know there is no sense in pretending otherwise.

Have you ever wanted to obey joyfully in all things?  I know that has been my prayer.  Yet I find my humanity creeps in and desires its own way.  As I think about those I love, my husband, my children, and my grandparents, I have discovered that the more devotion in my heart, the easier it is to obey.  Which makes me wonder, could I be more devoted to a person than I am to the Lord?  I often remember my grandpa.  Before he passed away, I talked to him daily.  He always told me he loved me.  I would visit as often as I could and do whatever he needed, though he would never ask for anything.  I loved to clean his home, fold his clothes, and sit and talk.  Other than my grandma, I can't think of someone who has loved me more.  I don't think there was anything he could have asked me to do that I wouldn't have done. I was utterly devoted.

I have confessed to the Lord that in some respects I actually loved my grandpa more than I've love Him.  I know that should not be.  But I also know that as I have grown in my faith, God has done in many instances that which I am unable to do.  He has turned my heart. 

I don't know how He does it, but I can point to many instances where God has turned my heart from my own way to His way - just recently, from working to staying at home with my children.  I have a long way to go.  My heart is often in this world and with people in my family.  Not that it is wrong when we love His creation and His people, but it is wrong when that love usurps God's place in our heart.

I am grateful that our God is so generous - that He allows us to love others, that He is patient with us as we learn to put Him first in all things.  I pray that I would love His will at all times, that I would be concerned with His work, and that I would joyfully be devoted to Him.  I am also so thankful that I was blessed to have grandparents who demonstrated Christ's love in such a tangible way.  Even though they may usurp God's rightful place in my heart on occasion, by their example I long to draw closer to Him each and every day.  And so, as we celebrate Valentine's Day, I would once again ask God to turn my heat towards Him and His will.