My Quiet Naughty

My dear little Annie who is only three years old would like you to think she’s as sweet as sugar.  Her sing-song voice reminds me of Minnie Mouse, her hair of Cindy Lou Who, and her smile not only lights up her face, but also a room.  She’s quite articulate for her age.  Sentences and song began flowing out of her well before the age of two.  Everywhere we go, people remark at how adorable Annie is.

However, those of us who live with her know the Annie others don’t get to see.  She’s a feisty little girl with an untamed spirit.  Utilizing a ninja like presence, she can destroy the order of a room in less than 5 minutes.  All toys are hers for the taking and her quiet demeanor allows for a destructive efficiency unmatched by other children her age.  It is this same gift which prompted her sister, with whom she shares a room, to tell her to "Get out!"  To which my little sweet Annie replied matter of factly, “You’re the worst sister ever and I don’t love you.”  She didn’t shout.  She didn’t stomp her feet.  She simply quietly announced her dissatisfaction and threw a few insults her sister’s way. 

As I laid in bed with Annie that night, I reminded her that being naughty is wrong.  But Annie informed me that being loud and naughty was wrong, but that being naughty and quiet was much better.  I didn’t laugh because she was quite serious.  I gently corrected her and put her to bed.  However, she fell asleep still convinced that her own sin was much less worse than all those other children who wore their sin loudly.  

In that moment, I saw myself -my Christian self - who had it all together for the world to see, but who protected those quiet sins which still lingered on the inside bathed in pride.  Even though I was thirty some years older than my toddler daughter, I was still rationalizing my sin because it was quiet.  I like my quiet naughty too.  I protect my haughty self and I not only allow others to look at me and my family with distinction, I relish in it.  Then my heart sank.  Just like my little Annie I wrongly believed in my heart that my quiet sins were much better than the in-your-face sins of others.  I knew in my head this way of thinking was wrong, but it took a three year old little girl to expose it in my heart.

As Christians when we start to think that our quiet sins set us apart from others who sin loudly, we put a huge spotlight on our pride. How can we serve Christ when pride lives in us?  We can’t.  I know that the world is filled with prideful people.  I know the unsaved suffer from the same prideful mindset as many within the church.  But we are called to be set apart.  We are called to be different, to wholly and humbly submit to Christ in all areas of our lives.  When we cling to pride on the inside, it doesn’t matter how put together our lives appear to others; everything that we do will pass through a lens of pride and self love, which is in direct opposition to the Gospel and the love of Christ.   We cannot serve two masters.  We cannot serve Christ and ourselves.  We must choose.  We must despise our quiet naughty and turn from our sins - even those that others cannot see.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!   

- Psalm 139:23-24