Rejection. We've all been there. Whether it is a past boyfriend or girlfriend, a spouse, a teacher, a parent, a best friend, or even a pastor, we've all experienced rejection of some sort. And it is never fun. Rejection out and out hurts and very little good seems to come of it.
What did Jesus last utter on the cross? "Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?" Which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Can you imagine? What pain he must have endured, not only physical but spiritual anguish. As a parent it is hard to walk our children through times of rejection. Matter of fact, it is exceptionally difficult to walk trough those times ourselves. But they will come for all of us at one point or another. Fortunately in eternity, rejection will no longer be an issue, but until we get there we must deal with it.
I suppose in my blogs I harp on discipline quite a bit. I must admit, I'm extremely tired of watching naughty children in public. And I don't blame the children, I blame the parents. Even when it comes to my own naughty children - their actions are my responsibility for the time being. However, children's emotions are also exceptionally important. Happiness is quite easy to deal with. Anger is a bit annoying, but not too terribly hard to explain or control. Sadness is usually remedied by some form of comfort, but rejection takes it to a whole new level. Rejection says you are not valuable and not worth my time.
Now I'm not a counselor, nor do I ever want to be, but I have been told that divorce is often more difficult than death. I'm sure it is different for different people, but from personal experience, it was definitely true for me. When my grandma and grandpa died, I was heartbroken - very very very sad. But I knew they loved me and I had fond memories to reflect upon. When my ex-husband decided he needed other women instead of me, the rejection went straight to my soul. I immediately questioned my self worth. I wondered what I could have done differently, and even more so, I wondered why I wasn't loveable. These negative thoughts are never overridden by any positive experiences from our marriage. Rejection takes precedence and persists. And though I have come a long way from those initial days of dealing with infidelity and subsequently a divorce, the rejection still looms - it doesn't ever go away completely.
Do you ever remember a time when you were rejected? I can point to times in my childhood up until recent days when I've had to deal with it. I wish as a parent this would not be something my children would have to experience, but I know they will and already may have. What do you say to a child as they struggle with rejection? Leaning on my own experiences and the Bible - these are the things I rely upon:
First - We were made in the image of God. He loves us enough to send his son to die in our place. We are valuable and loveable. And there is nothing we can do to make God love us more or less.
Secondly - Our value is not dependent upon what anyone thinks of us. Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you, maybe your teacher cannot stand you, maybe your parents yell at you all the time and you feel like a burden to them, maybe your spouse left you for a more tantalizing person, maybe your children think you are a worthless parent, or maybe your church has ostracized you - nevertheless, NONE of those situations change your value. God is not swayed by the opinions of others.
Third - Once we love Jesus, we can be confident that no one else can take that away. Even if we don't feel loved, even if we can't point to a single person who loves us, we can be assured that the Creator of the Heavens and Earth will not change his mind and cast us away. He promised that no one could ever snatch us from His hands.
I'm not naive, I know that comfort doesn't come immediately. We have to remind ourselves of truth over and over again. Dealing with rejection is a process, but it must be confronted. Chastisement, discipline, even correction may be from God, but rejection never is. It is born out of sin. Dealing properly with poor behavior never involves rejection. As a parent it is important to keep that in mind.
I know that there have been times when I may have put thoughts of rejection into my children. Sometimes I get so frustrated with them that I tell them "I need a break from you right now." Hmmm. I'm pretty sure that can't be good. I'm almost positive that instead of correcting their behavior, I'm putting a thought into their soul that doesn't belong there. I struggle sometimes to separate the sin from the sinner. I want absolutely nothing to do with sinful behavior, but I love and adore my children's spirits. They are a gift from God to be treasured. We need to teach our children how valuable they are - not only to us, but also to God. They need to hide God's Word in their hearts, so that when rejection comes their way, they'll be ready. They may be hurt and sad, but they'll know the truth. They won't be swayed by the opinion of others, but rather hold fast to God's opinion in their hearts and mind.
We cannot protect our children from everything. We may make mistakes and even hurt them inadvertently. However, I can think of nothing more important to instill in our children than the love of God for a sinful people. The devil wishes to convince us all that we are worthless, unloved, and hopeless. He will go out of his way to persuade our children that it is true. However, there is no better defense against the devil's lies than to show and teach our children the love of Christ from a very young age. As we work our way towards eternity, let us all be careful not to use rejection to accomplish any goal either in our homes or communities.
Bible references included below instead of throughout the text.
Genesis 1:27
John 3:16
John 10:29
1 Samuel 16:7
